


Five Dinners and a Breakfast

by Daylyn



Series: Five Dinners Series [1]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Confusion, Developing Relationship, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied or Off-stage Rape/Non-con, M/M, Minor Character Death, Slow Build, pre- to post-episode 100
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-07
Updated: 2013-04-07
Packaged: 2017-12-07 18:03:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 20,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/751431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daylyn/pseuds/Daylyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“It had all started when Spencer found himself marching to Hotch’s office.  Well, really, he awkwardly moved on crutches to Hotch’s office, but he did it with purpose, so it was sort of like marching.”  Sometimes, the start of a relationship does not run smoothly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place during Season 5 and contains SPOILERS for the season through Episode 5.11 “Retaliation”, including spoilers for Episode 5.09 “100”. This started as a simple idea for a fairly short fic and morphed into a 20,000+ word monster that took me forever to complete. I can’t tell you my excitement now that it’s finally finished! Thanks to [](http://fabrisse.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://fabrisse.livejournal.com/)**fabrisse** for the beta.
> 
>  **WARNINGS:** Implied Foyet and Hotch noncon (takes place prior to the events of this fic.

**Title:** Five Dinners and a Breakfast  
 **Author:** Daylyn  
 **Fandom:** Criminal Minds  
 **Rating:** NC-17 (FRAO)  
 **Pairing:** Hotch/Reid  
 **Word Count:** ~ 22,000  
 **Disclaimer:** All characters belong to their copyright holders. No profit is intended.

 

 **Five Dinners and a Breakfast**  
By Daylyn

 

_ Dinner # 1 _

The first dinner took Spencer by surprise.

It had all started when Spencer found himself marching to Hotch’s office. Well, really, he awkwardly moved on crutches to Hotch’s office, but he did it with purpose, so it was sort of like marching.

They had just concluded the case concerning the brutal, senseless, random beatings in DC. Spencer had spoken to Morgan, briefly, after it had all gone down. Morgan had sounded pissed. Really pissed. He couldn’t understand why Hotch (and by extension Rossi and Prentiss) had just left the scene. Spencer had thought he understood. There was no reason for them (the FBI, the BAU, Hotch) to be there anymore. The outcome was already inevitable, the suspects committing suicide by cop.

Morgan refused to see the reasonableness of that explanation. “We had a duty to see it through,” he had argued over the phone. “I tell you, man. Hotch is completely off his game right now. I have no idea what the hell he’s thinking.”

Spencer had declined to state that he felt Morgan had gotten too emotionally involved with the case (and with one of the victim’s sister, Tamara Barnes). He knew that such an observation would be less than welcome, especially after Morgan told him that he was stopping by her house to, “Let her know what happened.”

Then Morgan had added. “I know I gave you a ride this morning because of your messed up leg. Do you want to wait for me to get a ride home or…”

Spencer thought that he would be waiting for a long time. A very long time. He declined.  
  
JJ had dropped Spencer off at the FBI offices in Quantico and then headed home to Henry and Will. Spencer wished he had asked her just to give him a ride home, but he didn’t want her to have to go out of her way, especially since she really wanted to be with her family. So he (and his crutches) had made their way back to the BAU offices.

Rossi and Prentiss were getting into the elevator, heading home, as Reid was getting out. They were actually smiling. Obviously they were pleased with Hotch’s decision. Reid checked, but Garcia had left for the night too.

Which left him alone in the office. Well, not exactly alone. He could see that Hotch was still there, in his office, at his desk, going over reports and case files. Spencer knew that one of the files there was on Foyet. Not a day had gone by since Hotch’s attack that he did not review and re-review that file.

Spencer sat at his desk for a few moments and debated his course of action. He had been watching Hotch closely for a long time, years actually, and he had never seen Hotch so lost before, not even when Haley had demanded an uncontested divorce. Spencer knew Hotch had shut down his emotions after the attack by Foyet, although he knew (as did everyone on the team) how upset Hotch was about disrupting Jack and Haley’s lives and the fact that he could not see his son. But Hotch was trying to act as if everything was fine.

Spencer knew that things were not fine.

Although the circumstances were different, Spencer understood what it was like to survive an attack by a psychotic serial killer. Foyet’s attack on Hotch was personal instead of random like Tobias Hankel’s kidnapping of Spencer. Hotch had been Foyet’s target; Spencer had just been in the wrong place at the wrong time. But both were violent and, Spencer was certain, both were terrifying.

And both left their emotional scars.

Besides, his feelings toward Hotch, which he had tried to suppress for years, were too strong to ignore when Hotch was in so much pain. Spencer found himself heading to Hotch’s door before he was even aware he was moving. He knocked diffidently. Hotch looked up, surprised that someone was there, and even more surprised to see it was Reid. “Come in,” he said softly.

Spencer, with his crutches, made his way slowly into Hotch’s office. “Sit down,” Hotch said gently and waved Spencer to a chair. “You look ready to collapse.”

“Thanks,” Spencer replied. “The healing process is taking forever. It really is a bitch… um… a bit annoying.”

Hotch gave an almost smile at Spencer’s slight indiscretion. “Are you still in much pain?” he asked, his voice concerned.

Spencer wanted to smile himself. Of course Hotch was concerned. He was always concerned about his team. “It’s better. It’s healing. It’s just… slower than I would like.”

Hotch nodded. “What are you still doing here, Reid? You should go home.”

“Yeah, I’m going to take a cab in a little bit. I’m just… finishing a report.”

“A cab?”

“Ah… yeah… Morgan gave me a ride in this morning but he’s… busy. I don’t feel quite up to navigating the VRE tonight, so I’ll just take a cab home.”

Hotch frowned, looking annoyed.

“It’s not a big deal,” Spencer added hurriedly.

“He shouldn’t have deserted you,” Hotch said, his voice icy.

Spencer wanted to curse at himself for the turn of the conversation. Somehow it had become about him when he really needed to concentrate on Hotch. “It’s okay. Really. Besides, it gives me a chance to talk to you.”

Hotch looked slightly curious and far too wary. “About what?”

“I wanted to see how you were doing,” Spencer said cautiously.

“I’m fine, Reid.” Hotch replied, his voice clipped.

Spencer could see all of Hotch’s defenses rising up. He took a deep breath. “I’m just concerned about you. I wanted you to know that I understand. Well, as much as anyone can, I understand. I know what it’s like to go through an attack and the difficulties of the aftermath. I know what it’s like to be terrified and trying to survive and struggling and…”

Hotch’s face was slowly turning to glower mode.

Spencer hurried on, looking down at the floor instead of at his supervisor. “Not that you were terrified or anything. I just don’t want to lose you too, Hotch.”

“Lose me?” Hotch asked, with an edge to his voice.

“I just want you to know that I’m here for you. I know I failed Elle after her attack. I knew something was wrong and did nothing. I failed the team after Hankel. I was weak – struggling and lost. I’m still shocked sometimes at what I did, how I acted, after all of that. I failed Gideon. I couldn’t be what he needed. I know that you’re stronger and braver than I am, but you’re struggling, Hotch. I don’t want to fail you too. I would do anything to help.”

Spencer took another deep breath and whispered, “I would save you, if I could.”

He glanced quickly at Hotch, whose face looked puzzled, his dark eyes scrutinizing Spencer. He looked away, unable to meet that intensity. “God, I couldn’t have messed this up more than if I had written a dissertation on how to mess up. I’m sorry. Really.”

He rose and grabbed his crutches, making his way to the office door. He didn’t look back at Hotch.

“Reid,” Hotch called softly.

Spencer kept going.

“Reid.”

“I’m sorry,” Spencer said again, continuing toward the door.

“Spencer.”

He stopped. Hotch never called him by his first name. He turned around slowly. Hotch had that same intense look in his eyes.

“Sit down,” Hotch said, quietly but firmly.

Spencer didn’t even think about disobeying. He made his way back to the chair. He sat down and looked at the floor, knowing that he was being examined, unable to meet Hotch’s gaze.

“Thank you,” Hotch said.

Spencer looked up in surprise. Hotch’s expression had softened.

“You’re right, you know,” Hotch continued, “I am… having difficulties. But I have to find Foyet. You understand that, don’t you?”

“Yes. We’re here to help you.”

“I know. I appreciate that. But it’s more than just catching a criminal. I have to protect my son and make this up to Haley, whose life I’ve ruined yet again. Everything else has been taken from me, Reid. It’s all I have now and I’ll do anything I have to.”

“It sounds sort of like an addiction.” Spencer then wondered if he had gone too far.

Hotch snorted slightly. “Perhaps it is. But I don’t have much choice.”

They sat there in silence for a moment, Spencer having no idea what to say.

“For the record,” Hotch finally said, “you’re not weak and you’re certainly brave. I’ve trusted you with my life and would have no hesitation to do so again. What you endured in Georgia, and what you struggled with afterwards, shows the strength of your character. You survived, Reid. Both the attack and the aftermath. And yes, while Foyet’s attack on me was far more personal with longer lasting implications, it took much less time, even with him driving me to the emergency room. You spent days with Hankel, and you still had the wits about you to send us—me—that message. Nothing weak there.”

Spencer swallowed. “I did what I had to.”

“I understand that. I’m doing the same.”

Spencer tried to smile, but thought that it probably came out more as a wince of pain. “I should go,” he whispered. He stood up awkwardly, balancing himself on his crutches. He paused. “Hotch, if you… ever need to… I don’t know, talk or something… I’m good at listening.” He gave a half laugh. “Probably not so good at advice, but I can listen.”

Hotch looked at him, his expression slightly softer than usual. “Thanks, Reid. I… thank you.”

Reid gave him a smile and started toward the door.

“You’re really calling a cab?” Hotch asked.

Reid turned around slightly. “Yeah, but it’s not a problem.”

Hotch sighed and stood up. “Come on, I’ll give you a ride.”

Spencer blinked, surprised. “You don’t have to do that.”

Hotch just looked at him in that way that Spencer knew would be foolish to argue with. “Um… thanks…” he said instead.

The ride in Hotch’s car was quiet but not tense. They spoke a bit about the case, but Hotch made it clear that he wasn’t going to explain himself or his decisions. Spencer didn’t really have a problem with that since he pretty much agreed with Hotch, at least most of the time, and the decision to leave the scene seemed like the right one, which he told Hotch.

As they got closer to his apartment, however, Spencer realized that he really didn’t want the evening to end. “Do you want to have dinner?” he blurted out before he could stop himself.

Hotch gave him a strange look and Spencer contemplated hitting his head against the dashboard and trying to feign a concussion. Before he could apologize, Hotch said, “Sure. Where do you want to go?”

Spencer found himself sitting in an Italian restaurant around the corner from his apartment. With Hotch. While they eaten together many, many times when they were on cases, it was usually with other team members or just grabbing something quickly while working in the field office. Spencer could not recall a time when he and Hotch had gone someplace and had a sit-down meal in a restaurant, alone. He sipped his wine and tried to calm his nerves, while at the same time wondering why he felt that dinner was such a momentous occasion.

Hotch watched him for a moment, and then leaned slightly across the table, looking him directly in the eye. “By the way, Reid, you didn’t fail anyone,” Hotch said. Spencer must have blinked in confusion, because Hotch explained, “Before, you said that you had failed Elle, Gideon, the team, yourself. You didn’t, at least not from where I was standing. If anyone failed Elle, it was me. I too knew that she wasn’t doing well and I should have protected her, at least for a bit longer. I should never have put her in that situation. And you certainly didn’t fail after Hankel. Reid, I’m still impressed by your strength after all of that. As for Gideon, well, he was on a downward spiral long before you got here. I think you helped him to stay far longer than he would have if you hadn’t been here.”

Spencer gave a nervous half smile. “Thanks. It just feels like I could have done more.”

Hotch looked at him for a long moment while Reid met his gaze and tried not to squirm. “We all do, from time to time,” Hotch finally said. “I will tell you that, as for me, you were the only one who was brave enough to come through my office door to confront me.”

Spencer looked up, shocked. “I’m not confronting you. I’m… just… worried. Concerned. Besides, I’m sure that Rossi, and Prentiss, and… well, everyone has come to talk to you.”

“No, actually, they haven’t. Dave is operating under an assumption that I’m fine. I’m probably not, but I think he’s biding his time until I have some sort of dramatic breakdown. Emily is hovering like a mother hen. It would be endearing if it wasn’t so annoying. Morgan is pissed off at me for being fallible and for the fact that Foyet used his credentials. He’s taking that guilt out on me and being angry all the time. JJ is scared and doesn’t know how to approach me, much like you, actually. And Garcia is too intimidated to bring me purple fluffy toys, although she really wants to. Her cookies are nice, though.”

Spencer gave out a sort of half laugh. “She wouldn’t let me have any of those cookies, you know. Even though I had been shot.”

Hotch’s eyes lightened slightly, his face taking on an almost amused look. “Do you want one? I think I still have some in my office.”

“I couldn’t take your cookies, Hotch. Garcia would kill me. She’s far more frightening than an unsub with a gun.”

“I believe that.”

Reid took another sip of wine. He glanced around the restaurant. “You know, right before you came back I told Garcia that maybe we shouldn’t talk to you, that we shouldn’t bring it up. I guess I believed that you could handle anything.” He looked Hotch in the eyes. “And I still believe that. But I thought you wouldn’t want our help, at least not my help. After all, no matter how much I tried to emulate you, I could never be like you. I felt I had nothing to offer.”

Their meals arrived, and the conversation broke off for a moment while they were being served. They waited until the waiter walked away.

“You have a lot to offer, Reid,” Hotch said when they were alone again. “An amazing amount to offer, actually. Right now, I could probably use your advice as to how you got coped, how you learned to live knowing just how unsafe you really are in the world. And I’m flattered, but I really don’t think I’m someone you want to emulate. I’m far too emotionally cut-off to make a good role model.”

“I don’t believe that. You have too much passion, Hotch, for both your work and your family, to really be emotionally cut-off. I think you’re repressing your feelings, and probably with good cause, but just because you don’t know what you’re feelings are doesn’t mean you don’t have them.”

“That sounds like something Gideon would say.”

“He did.”

Hotch gave a little snort. He took a bite of his meal and a sip of his wine. “Sometimes Gideon gave good advice.”

Spencer shrugged. “Sometimes. And sometimes his advice, in hindsight, wasn’t that helpful at all. When I admitted to him, at one of my lowest points, that I was struggling, he essentially told me that it comes with the job and that it would make me a better profiler. Perhaps it’s true, but it really didn’t help at the moment.”

Hotch sputtered and looked rather indignant. “He told you _that_.” Spencer merely nodded. “When was this?” Hotch went on. “Don’t tell me this was after that case in New Orleans.”

“Um… yeah…”

Hotch gave a heavy sigh. “If Gideon was here, I’d kick his ass. We were worried about you, Reid. I told Gideon I wanted to talk to you, but he insisted that he would handle it. That he did handle it. If I had known that was all he had done...”

“How would you have done things differently?”

“I would have at least asked you why you were struggling. Did he even do that?”

“No.”

Hotch made a frustrated noise.

Spencer took a sip of wine and a deep breath. “So, Hotch,” he began, “why are you struggling?”

Hotch looked up at him in surprise and then a small smile appeared on his face. “Well done.” Hotch took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. He took another sip of wine and then focused on his wine glass, swirling the red liquid. “I’m struggling because… I just want this to be over. I want things to go back to normal, and I know they never will. And I’m afraid—afraid of what he’ll do to Jack and Haley, afraid of what he’ll do to me, afraid to be in my home.”

“It’s got to be terrifying to have your home, your sanctuary, invaded like that.”

“It is. If Elle could see me now, she’d certainly have her revenge.”

“Hotch.”

“I just think I understand her better now. I don’t feel safe anymore. Anywhere.”

“That I understand,” Reid stated. “After Georgia, I saw myself in every victim, every case. Sometimes that still happens.”

“How did you deal with it?”

“You mean other than shooting up?”

Hotch gave him a reproachful look.

Spencer shrugged. “I guess time really does help with healing. I can still remember the details… that doesn’t go away, especially with my memory. But everything isn’t as _immediate_ anymore. I just kept going on until finally it wasn’t as painful, and I concentrate on better memories.”

“So your advice is ‘give it time’.”

“I suppose. I told you I was better at listening than giving advice.”

“You got through it, Reid. I admire that. Quite a bit, actually.”

Spencer found himself blushing slightly. Hotch gave him a real smile, which made Spencer blush some more.

When they finished their dinner, Spencer stood up awkwardly on his crutches. He didn’t know if it was because of the wine or the conversation, but he found himself a bit unsteady. Hotch, of course, immediately noticed.

“You okay?” Hotch asked.

Reid tried for a quick smile. “Fine. I just need to make it around the corner to get home. I can do that.”

“Your place is that close?”

Spencer nodded.

“I’ll walk you home.”

Spencer began to protest but Hotch cut him off. “I’d like to make sure you’re safe and not about to fall over. I can’t afford to lose one of my best agents.”

Reid gave a quick, astonished smile. “Okay,” he agreed awkwardly.

They walked slowly around the block until they were in front of Spencer’s apartment building. “Would you like some coffee?” Spencer heard himself saying, much to his astonishment.

“Sure,” Hotch agreed, surprising Spencer even more.

They made their way up the stairs, Spencer moving awkwardly with the crutches. He had gotten better at maneuvering, but he still felt off-balance much of the time. He opened the door to his flat and invited Hotch in, following after him. Hotch turned back and was frowning at the door.

“You don’t have an alarm?” Hotch asked, an accusatory tone in his voice.

“Um…” Spencer began.

“You really should get an alarm. You never know what can happen and it’s dangerous and I can’t believe that you don’t have one and what if you get attacked and…”

“Hotch. Hotch. Calm down.”

Hotch abruptly stopped his tirade and then took a deep breath. “Sorry,” he whispered.

“It’s okay. I understand. And you’re probably right—I should be more cautious.”

“I would appreciate it. I don’t want to have to deal with the spilled blood of any of the team in their homes ever again.”

Reid nodded and then reached out, tentatively touching Hotch’s arm. “Are you okay?” Spencer whispered.

“No,” Hotch whispered back. “But maybe I will be someday.”

Reid gripped Hotch’s arm more tightly. “You will be.”

Hotch tried to smile. He didn’t quite succeed.

Spencer took a step closer. Hotch closed his eyes and took a deep, shuddering breath. He opened his eyes again; their gazes met. Hotch’s look was filled with apprehension warring with hope, and something that looked like desire. Spencer’s breath caught.

He had known that he had wanted Hotch for years. He just never expected to see such desire mirrored back at him.

Spencer leaned in closer. Hotch didn’t move away. Slowly, carefully Spencer brought his lips to Hotch’s. The kiss was dry, timid. Spencer pulled back slightly; Hotch leaned in. Their lips met again. Spencer gently licked at Hotch’s lips, seeking entrance. Hotch gasped, and then started kissing Spencer hot and hard and wonderfully. It was everything, and more, that Spencer had ever hoped for, fantasized about, longed for.

Then Hotch pulled back abruptly, looking lost, confused. “I’m sorry,” he said with an uneven breath. “I can’t do this.”

Before Spencer could even react, Hotch had opened the door and was gone.

 

_ Dinner # 2 _

The second dinner was even more of a surprise to Spencer than the first.

On the morning after the first dinner, Spencer had gone work, feeling both anxious and bewildered. Hotch essentially ignored him, interacting with him only at the round table and only briefly. It was the reaction that Spencer had expected, but he had to admit, if only to himself, that he was disappointed.

They did not have a case that day, and Spencer found himself getting more and more agitated as Hotch disregarded him. He could see that Emily wanted to ask him what was going on, but didn’t quite dare. Morgan, however, had no such qualms. “What the hell is wrong with you?” he finally blurted out in the afternoon.

Reid jumped slightly. “Um… nothing, really,” he lied. “My… uh… knee is hurting today and I just feel distracted.”

“Look, nothing is happening,” Morgan said, reasonably. “Tell Hotch you need to go home. If something comes up, I’ll get you and take you to the airstrip.”

“Um…”

“Really, Reid,” Prentiss chimed in, “you look like you could use a break. Go talk to Hotch.”

Both of them were looking at him and he really could not come up with an excuse to avoid his supervisor. So he found himself for the second time in as many days marching into Hotch’s office and knocking on the door.

Hotch’s tone was resigned when he told Reid to enter.

“Hi,” Spencer began hesitantly. “Um… my knee is bothering me today and Morgan and Prentiss thought I should leave and…”

“All right.”

“Thanks.” Spencer turned to go and then stopped. “Look, I’m sorry. Really sorry about last night. I know what I did was inappropriate and didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable or insult you and I would never—”

“Reid. Stop. I’m the one who should be apologizing. You did nothing wrong.” Hotch wouldn’t meet his eyes.

“Okay,” Spencer said. He paused briefly. “You don’t want me to leave the team, do you?”

Hotch looked up at him, startled. “God, Reid, no. I’m doing everything in my power to keep the team together right now. I certainly don’t want you to go anywhere.”

Before Reid could ask what Hotch meant by that remark, Hotch lowered his voice and said, “Besides, I think you misunderstand my reaction. I said I _couldn’t_ do this, not that I didn’t want to.” Hotch’s look was almost shy. “In case you hadn’t noticed, I was kissing you back.”

“I noticed,” Reid whispered.

Hotch’s expression became sad. “But I can’t do this. I’m sorry. I wish I could.”

Spencer wanted to ask more, but Hotch stopped him, slipping back easily into his supervisory role. “Go home, Reid. I hope your knee feels better. ”

Spencer could tell a dismissal when he heard one. “Thank you, sir,” he said quietly. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Hotch nodded absently and went back to looking at the files on his desk.

Spencer noted that Hotch was distant with him over the next several days, but then he seemed distant with everyone. No one seemed to notice any tension between them. The next case took them to Albuquerque, where several young, blonde, recently pregnant women had been murdered and their bodies dumped. Spencer wondered if the reason no one could see any problem between him and Hotch was because everyone could see a problem between Morgan and Hotch. They were almost at each other’s throats at times – Hotch seeming to be deliberately pushing Morgan, Morgan arguing back and pushing Hotch. Spencer wondered if it was some sort of alpha male dominance dance, but decided that he really didn’t want to know and he certainly wanted no part of it.

It was a relief when the case was solved, the living kidnapped women rescued, the babies found, and the team was flying back to Virginia. Spencer went home immediately, deciding that he did not want to be anywhere near the office when there was so much tension between Hotch and Morgan.

Spencer spent the evening relaxing as much as possible, playing chess with himself as a challenge to see as many moves ahead as possible, and watching re-runs of _Doctor Who_ in the background. He was surprised when, at around 10pm, there was a knock at his door. He was even more surprised to see Hotch holding a pizza box when he looked through the peephole. Spencer disarmed his new alarm and opened the door.

Hotch looked uncertain as he stood there. “Hi,” he said, “I’d like to talk to you for a moment. May I come in?”

Spencer blinked. “Of course,” he said after a moment, stepping back and allowing Hotch to enter. Spencer then re-set the alarm.

Hotch looked at him. “I decided you were right,” Spencer said, indicating the alarm control panel. “It’s a precaution that we all should take. I should have realized that after Elle.”

“I should have too,” Hotch said quietly. They stood there awkwardly for a moment, Spencer wondering what was happening. “I brought pizza,” Hotch said, holding out the rather obvious box. “In case you’re hungry.”

“I’ll get some plates.” Spencer realized that Hotch probably hadn’t eaten. Besides, Spencer wasn’t going to say no to pizza that miraculously showed up attached to Hotch. Spencer marveled at the idea of having another dinner with Hotch alone, especially considering the way their last evening together had ended. A few moments later he found himself sitting on his sofa, pizza on his plate, casting glances at Hotch, who sat there quietly eating as if gathering his thoughts.

Hotch noticed the chessboard. “Are you in the middle of a game with someone?” he asked curiously.

“I’m actually playing myself. I’m trying to work through all the permutations of different moves in an attempt to reach a greater understanding of strategies and reasoning.”

“I bet that would take a long time.”

“I’ve been at it for a few years now.”

“Since Gideon left?”

“Yes. It’s actually helped me understand his reasoning.”

“What have you found?”

“That he needed a different outcome. And that it had nothing to do with me.”

Hotch nodded, thinking, and quietly ate some pizza.

“Why are you here, Hotch?” Spencer asked.

Hotch swallowed hard and took a deep breath. “I wanted to let you know that I’m stepping down as the Unit Chief, temporarily at least, while Foyet is still out there. Morgan is the new head as of tonight.”

“What? Why?” Spencer exclaimed.

“There are a myriad of reasons, Reid. Director Strauss supports my decision and this is the only way I can think of to keep the team together.”

“They were threatening to separate us?” Reid asked indignantly.

Hotch shrugged. “It was a possibility.”

Spencer was certain that there was something that Hotch wasn’t telling him, but then another thought struck him. “Have you told everyone else?”

Hotch shook his head. “Morgan knows, obviously. I left him in the office struggling through reports. And Dave knows because, well, he suspected and heard the rumors. But you’re the first one I’ve told.”

“Are you going to everyone’s place to tell them tonight?”

Hotch took another bite of pizza and shook his head. “No. They’ll find out tomorrow.”

Spencer looked at Hotch more closely. In all the years he had been watching Hotch, he had never seen him look so exhausted and resigned. He almost longed to reach out and touch his arm, but pulled his hand tighter into his lap instead so as to avoid contact. “Are you okay?” he asked quietly.

“It was the right decision,” Hotch replied.

“That doesn’t really answer the question.”

“Maybe, someday, with time, I will be.” And then Hotch reached out and took Spencer’s hand. Spencer’s fingers clasped around him before he even realized what he was doing.

“Why are you here?” Spencer whispered, still grasping Hotch’s hand.

“Would you believe that I wanted to share my pizza?”

“It’s very good pizza.” Spencer looked at him steadily.

“I enjoyed having dinner with you,” Hotch said.

Spencer continued his steady look.

Hotch sighed and shrugged his shoulders. “I just had to give up something that is very important to me, a part of me, a part of who I am. There are good reasons for what I did. But I still wish I didn’t have to do it. I think I needed someone to talk to.”

Spencer stroked Hotch’s hand with his thumb. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly, knowing how difficulty such an admission had been for Hotch.

“I am as well. I’m sorry for this whole damn situation.”

Spencer looked at Hotch’s pain-lined face, he looked at Hotch’s stiff body, he looked at where they were still holding hands. Spencer didn’t stop to think for once; he just acted and pulled Hotch into a hug. It was such an un-Spencer liked move that he actually thought he shocked himself more than he had even surprised Hotch.

He wondered what the hell he was doing when he felt Hotch stiffen, but then suddenly Hotch relaxed and pulled Spencer tight. Spencer stroked his hand down Hotch’s back in what he hoped was a soothing motion. “I wish I could say it was okay,” he murmured, “but I know I can’t. I’m so sorry you have to go through this.”

Hotch merely shuddered and held Spencer tighter. Spencer had often wondered at what point Hotch’s façade would crack. He had a bad feeling that their struggle with the Reaper was only the beginning and that Hotch would be pushed again and again beyond his breaking point.

Hotch pulled back slightly. His face was dry, but Spencer had expected nothing less. But his countenance was less tense.

“Thank you,” he said quietly.

Spencer gave a small smile.

They were sitting close to each other, their faces mere inches apart. Spencer could see Hotch’s gaze meet Spencer’s eyes and then flick down to his lips. Spencer’s breath caught as Hotch leaned in, their lips so close that Spencer could feel Hotch’s breath.

“Be sure,” Spencer whispered. “Please.”

Hotch nodded slightly and kissed him. Spencer gave a small whimpering sound as Hotch’s tongue touched his lips. The kiss deepened, and Spencer found himself wanting to pull Hotch tighter. He broke away instead.

Hotch looked at him, his eyes a little wary, a little wild, a little wanting.

“I thought you said you couldn’t do this,” Spencer said. He noticed that his breath was a bit unsteady, but then, so was Hotch’s.

Hotch gave what may have been the saddest smile Spencer had ever seen. “I don’t know if I know _how_ to do this. Not now. Not anymore.”

Spencer licked his lips and he could see Hotch’s gaze watching his mouth. He swallowed. “We could try and figure it out,” Spencer said, his voice trembling with his own desire, his own fear. “If you want to, that is.”

Hotch’s hand was in his hair, almost as if by its own volition, and Spencer was drawn in again for a deeper, wetter kiss. This time he pulled Hotch tightly to him. He heard a moan but was uncertain which one of them had made it.

They broke apart and leaned in so that their foreheads were touching.

“We shouldn’t do this,” Hotch whispered.

“I know.”

“It’s inappropriate.”

“I know.”

“I’ve wanted you for so long.”

Spencer shuddered. “I didn’t know. But I’ve wanted you for _years_.”

Hotch gave a low groan and cupped Spencer’s face, pulling him in for another kiss. Spencer let his lips trail down Hotch’s jaw, his ear, his neck. Hotch took a shuddering breath as Spencer’s lips explored him, then pulled him back up for another deep, needy kiss.

Spencer didn’t know the last time he had been this aroused, this quickly, this desperate. He withdrew slightly and touched Hotch’s face. Hotch turned his head and kissed Spencer’s palm.

“We need to slow down,” Spencer said, his voice thick. “Or else, I swear, I’ll drag you off to my bedroom.”

Hotch looked at him steadily for a moment. “Show me.”

Spencer blinked. “Are you certain?”

“Yes.”

Spencer knew not to ask again and respected Hotch to make a decision. He nodded, stood, and took Hotch’s hand, using one of his crutches with the other hand. He led the way, giving an apologetic glance over the unmade bed and the general mess about the room. But Hotch grabbed him, almost roughly, and brought him in for a hard kiss.

Spencer moaned, but feared that something was slightly off, a bit wrong. Hotch’s actions were almost frantic, desperate. He pulled back and held Hotch by the shoulders for a moment, and then traced Hotch’s brow. “Shh…” he said. “We have time.”

“Do we ever really have time?”

“Hotch.”

“Aaron.”

“Aaron,” he whispered. “We don’t have to do anything that you don’t want to do.” Spencer swallowed. “We can stop anytime you want. I just want to be with you, anyway you’ll allow.”

Aaron took Spencer’s hand and kissed his palm. “I’ve never done this with before. With a man. With anyone other than Haley, actually. I feel a bit lost here.” Hotch gave a sound that would almost have been like a laugh if it wasn’t so pained. “I didn’t even realize you were gay. Some sort of profiler I am.”

“Sexuality is fluid, Hotch. I’m far more interested in someone’s brain than what’s between their legs.”

“So you have experience with both men and women.”

Spencer shrugged. “I would hardly call myself ‘experienced’. I’ve been with a handful of people, yes, both men and women, but not many. I think the only real ‘relationship’ was with a man. Or at least I thought it was a relationship; I guess I found out differently when he just left without any explanation.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It was a long while ago.”

“Still.”

“So you’ve only been with your high school sweetheart?”

Aaron nodded. “I did make out with two guys – one in college, one in law school. Both times Haley and I were having problems. But I was pretty drunk at the time and didn’t get any further than kissing, really. I guess I thought that making out with guys wasn’t really cheating, in some way. It wasn’t ‘real’.”

“And now. Is this also not ‘real’?”

“This isn’t casual. I wouldn’t do that to you. This is as ‘real’ as anything can be for me right now.”

“You’re attracted to me?”

“I think, as you said, sexuality is fluid. I’m certainly attracted to you, Spencer Reid. I have been, for a long time I think, even if I didn’t admit it to anyone, let alone myself.”

Spencer felt a shudder of pleasure at that admission. “We’ll take our time, Aaron” Spencer said. “Whatever you want. Whatever you need.”

“I don’t know if I can be what you need, Spencer, and I can’t make any promises.”

“I understand. I’m willing to take that risk.” He leaned forward and kissed Aaron again.

They got into the bed and kissed, slow and gentle to start, but with a passion simmering between them. Spencer moaned as Aaron’s hands roamed under his shirt, pinching his nipples, stroking his chest. Aaron started kissing his neck, running his lips along Spencer’s adam’s apple. Spencer pulled Aaron’s shirt out from being tucked into his pants, putting his hand under Aaron’s shirt. They both froze when he felt a scar, low on Aaron’s belly.  
Aaron pulled back, his breath erratic. He closed his eyes tightly. “I don’t know,” he said, his voice sounding forced. “I don’t know if I can let you see the ugliness—”

Spencer made a low cry and grasped Aaron’s face, pulling him in for a quick, passionate kiss. “You’re beautiful. No matter what he did, no matter what he tried to do, he could _never_ take that from you. Because. You. Are. Beautiful. Aaron. You are the best man I know, and _nothing_ he could do will _ever_ change that.”

Aaron opened his eyes and pulled Spencer close, just holding him. “Thank you.”

“I swear, though, if he came through this door right now I’d kill him myself.”

“I wouldn’t want that for you, Spencer.”

“I would protect you if I could, Aaron.”

“Thank you. I would do the same.”

They started kissing again and Spencer slowly, gently, started unbuttoning Aaron’s shirt, keeping his mind occupied with the kisses. Aaron kissed him almost frantically. Spencer peeled Aaron’s dress shirt off, leaving the undershirt. He then removed his own shirt with Aaron watching his every movement.

“Let’s take this off you,” Spencer said, plucking at the undershirt. “If that’s okay.”

Aaron swallowed hard, but nodded and allowed Spencer to remove the shirt.

Aaron’s scars were red and ragged and nasty. Spencer wanted to hurt Foyet terribly for what he had done, but suppressed that feeling. Now, he knew, he had to focus on Aaron and letting him know how desirable he still was. Spencer realized that this was the first time since the attack that Aaron had been intimate with anyone.

Aaron was breathing heavily, but it seemed both a combination of desire and tension. Spencer moved until he was lying on top of him, relishing the feeling of their bare chests pressed together. He kissed Aaron’s brow, his nose, his lips. “Is this okay?” Spencer asked quietly. Aaron nodded. Spencer kissed him again.

He kissed Aaron’s neck and then moved downward, licking at his collarbone, sucking at a nipple. Then he traced the longest scar on Aaron’s abdomen, planting little kisses as he went, outlining it with his tongue. Aaron shuddered.

“Does that hurt?” Spencer asked, suddenly nervous.

“No,” Aaron said, his voice a bit strangled. “Not now. Not with you. Nothing hurts with you.”

Spencer went back and kissed each scar. “You’re beautiful,” he whispered, not even caring if Aaron heard him, but just wanting to acknowledge that simple fact. “Absolutely beautiful.”

Aaron gave a small whimper and put his hand in Spencer’s hair. Spencer continued to kiss his way downward, tracing each scar, kissing the planes of Aaron’s abdomen, until he reached the edge of Aaron’s trousers. He started playing with the belt buckle, fingering it but not opening it, and looked up into Aaron’s eyes. “Okay?” Spencer asked. He wanted to make sure that Aaron agreed with everything that was happening.

Aaron nodded. “Yes,” he breathed.

Spencer undid the belt and the pants and pushed them and Aaron’s boxers down. Spencer groaned when he saw Aaron’s erection, hot and hard and heavy. Spencer couldn’t help himself – he licked a stripe up Aaron’s cock and then began to suck on the tip. Aaron gave a strangled groan and tightened his grip in Spencer’s hair before forcing himself to release it.

Spencer pulled back a little and then began to remove Aaron’s pants completely. Aaron reached for Spencer’s pants, undid them, and pushed them down. Spencer removed his pants as well.

“Come here,” Aaron demanded and pulled Spencer up to him for a kiss. Spencer lay on top of Aaron, relishing in the feel of their naked bodies sliding together. They kissed, Hotch pulling him tight, Spencer shuddering as their erections aligned. Spencer started to gently thrust and Aaron groaned slightly, pulling back from the kiss. Aaron began to kiss Spencer’s neck and face, meeting Spencer’s thrusts and making low, needy noises.

Spencer pulled back, both of them panting. “I need to taste you again,” Spencer said and slid down Aaron’s body.

Aaron breathing quickened. “Spencer,” he said. “Spence. You don’t have to—” he gave a strangled cry as Spencer sucked in his cock again. “Oh god, yes.”

Spencer smiled around his mouthful but did not stop his movements. As he continued to suck, his hand stroked the base of Aaron’s cock, then moved to his balls. Aaron started to thrust into Spencer’s mouth. Spencer made a pleased sound and continued his suction. Spencer’s hand then stroked Aaron’s perineum and then he moved, just a finger, further back. Aaron froze and tensed so quickly that Spencer knew something was wrong. Spencer removed his hand and looked up to see Aaron’s face not lined with pleasure but looking like an utterly blank mask instead.

“Aaron?” Spencer breathed.

Spencer watched as Aaron forced himself to meet Spencer’s gaze. Aaron tried to smile, but was not able to. “Sorry,” he said instead.

Spencer moved up the bed and lay next to him. “I’m the one who’s sorry. I’ve obviously done something you don’t want. Please, tell me. I don’t want to make mistakes where you’re concerned.”

“It’s fine.”

“Aaron, it obviously isn’t.”

Aaron closed his eyes and took a deep, shuddering breath. “I wasn’t entirely honest with you. I’ve only ever been with one person—Haley—willingly. But unwillingly—” Aaron’s speech halted.

“Oh god,” Spencer whispered.

Aaron swallowed. “Foyet, he…” Aaron opened his eyes and looked at Spencer as if pleading that he didn’t have to go on.

Spencer stroked Aaron’s cheek and kissed his brow. Aaron gave a relieved sigh.

“I stand by what I said previously,” Spencer said. “I would kill Foyet myself if he was here.”

“Thank you,” Aaron whispered and pulled Spencer in for a tight hug.

Spencer held him for a moment and then started to kiss his chest, moving to suck on a nipple. Aaron pulled gently on his hair. “Spencer?” he said uncertainly.

Spencer looked up at him and met his gaze. “Let me do this for you. Let me show you how beautiful you are to me. I’ll be careful. Just let me bring you pleasure. Let me help you forget.”

Aaron nodded and closed his eyes. Spencer could tell he was still tense, but less so. Spencer made his way down Aaron’s body and took Aaron’s flagging cock back into his mouth. He moved slowly, but with purpose, sucking and kissing and licking Aaron back to a full erection. Spencer’s hands gently fondled Aaron’s balls, but he was careful to go no lower. Aaron eventually started to moan again, and Spencer took Aaron’s tip in his mouth, sucking firmly, and then bobbing his head, taking Aaron in as deeply as possible.

Aaron started thrusting, gently at first and then more firmly. His hands grasped the sheet, twisting it tightly. “Spencer, I can’t hold on… I’m going to…”

Spencer continued his actions, using firm suction, refusing to let go. Aaron came with a cry and Spencer moaned in joy, thrilled at Aaron’s reaction.

When Aaron was spent, Spencer released him. Aaron pulled him back up and kissed him thoroughly. Both of them groaned. Aaron reached for him, grasping Spencer’s cock for the first time. There was no hesitation on his part. Spencer gave a strangled whimper.

“Is this okay?” Aaron breathed, his rhythm never faltering.

“Yes. Oh yes.”

“Good.”

Aaron continued to stroke him firmly, and then started kissing and sucking on Spencer’s neck. Spencer started to writhe from the onslaught of pleasure.

“I want to watch you come,” Aaron breathed into his ear. Spencer shuddered and thrust into Aaron’s grip.

“Faster,” Spencer croaked.

Aaron complied.

Spencer stilled suddenly and clutched at Aaron’s arm. Then his release pulsed from him, spilling down Aaron’s hand. Aaron drew Spencer to him when he was done, holding him while Spencer’s breathing slowly returned to normal.

“Wow,” Spencer eventually said.

Aaron gave an amused snort and held Spencer closer.

“Thank you,” Aaron said quietly. “That was… enjoyable, which was not something I had expected after… everything.”

Spencer kissed him lightly. “You’re welcome. Any time. I mean that. Really. Any time at all.”

Aaron gave an actual chuckle. Spencer smiled.

Spencer rolled away and found a towel that he had left on the floor from that morning. He cleaned himself quickly and then gave it to Aaron who wiped his hands. Spencer then kissed him again.

“I guess I should get going,” Aaron said drowsily.

“You don’t have to. You could sleep here.”

Aaron thought about it for a moment and then pulled Spencer close to him. “Not this time. Maybe next.”

Spencer smiled a little to himself at the thought that Aaron was already considering a “next” time. He kissed the corner of Aaron’s mouth and then watched as he pulled away and got dressed. Spencer pulled on his boxers and a t-shirt, grabbed his crutches, and walked with Aaron to the door. He disarmed the alarm. Aaron kissed him gently, said, “See you tomorrow,” and left.

Spencer sighed and went to bed.


	2. Chapter 2

_ Dinner #3 _

The third dinner was actually planned. 

Spencer hadn’t seen much of Aaron since that fateful (and wonderful) night, but that seemed to be because they were fairly busy with work. First they had gone to Oklahoma City for the taxidermy case (and Morgan’s first test as the Unit Chief, which, Spencer had to admit, if only to himself, hadn’t been too awful). Then, almost immediately, the team had flown to Los Angeles to investigate the Dante-related deaths. 

They had just gotten back from L.A. and Spencer could tell that Aaron was a bit stressed. Although he hadn’t said anything, Spencer knew that Aaron had hated having to admit that he had stepped down as the Unit Chief to Detective Kim, who had worked with the team before and whose confusion was quite noticeable. In fact, the whole team, including Morgan, had felt rather uncomfortable in that moment. Furthermore, Spencer could tell that Aaron (and all of them, really) was concerned about JJ’s head injury. She was going to be fine, but Aaron always felt responsible when one of “his team” was injured (and Spencer felt that it was still “Hotch’s team”, no matter who was currently “in charge”). 

Spencer stopped by Aaron’s office before heading home. He was reviewing several files including, as Spencer could see, Foyet’s file. They both declined to comment on it.

“Hey,” Spencer said quietly. “Do you want to have dinner tonight?”

Aaron looked at him as if a bit surprised by the question, but then gave a quick (very quick) hint of a smile. “If you don’t mind that it’s late. I’m going to be at work for a while.”

Spencer didn’t mention that the reports were now Morgan’s responsibility. He knew that Aaron would be working on the Foyet case. He smiled instead. “That’s fine. I’m actually…” Spencer paused and then took a deep breath, making a decision. “I’m going to an NA meeting tonight. I won’t be home until around 9:30. I thought I’d pick up some Chinese food.” He had never actually admitted that, out loud, to another member of the team, let alone his (former) supervisor, although he knew that Aaron knew about the meetings.

Aaron looked concerned. “Is everything all right? You seem to be doing so well.”

Spencer nodded. “I am doing well. That’s why I go to NA meetings.”

“Okay. Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me.”

Spencer gave him a broad smile. “So, Chinese food?”

“Sounds good.”

“Do you want to come by my place? Or I could come to your apartment.”

“I’ll come to your place,” Aaron said decisively.

“Oh. Sure.” Spencer turned to leave, maneuvering on his crutches.

“Spencer,” Aaron said quietly, stopping Spencer immediately. “I don’t want you to think that I don’t want you in my home. I do. But I worry that Foyet is… somehow watching, keeping track of my place. I don’t want you to be in any more danger than you already are.”

Spencer swallowed. “I… hadn’t thought of that. It can’t be easy, carrying that… worry… all the time.”

Aaron shrugged.

“We’ll get him,” Spencer promised, although he had no idea how to accomplish the feat. 

Aaron nodded. “See you tonight.”

Spencer got home right before 9:30, Chinese food in hand. Aaron arrived about 10 minutes later.

“Hi,” Spencer said, opening the door to let him in.

“Hi,” Aaron replied, then leaned over and kissed him. Spencer gave a happy hum. 

“I’ve got some kung pao chicken, lo mein, and some moo shoo,” Spencer said, heading to the kitchen to get the plates. 

“Sounds good. I’m actually pretty starved.” Aaron followed him and then helped him to carry everything into the living room since Spencer’s carrying capabilities were still limited due to his crutches.

They served themselves. Spencer handed Aaron chopsticks but had a fork for himself.

“Still not proficient at chopsticks, I see,” Aaron noted with a faint smile.

“Hey, I’m skinny enough. It’s beneficial if I actually get the food into my mouth.”

“It’s not that difficult,” Aaron said with a smile as he dexterously picked up a piece of chicken and popped it into his mouth.

“For you maybe.”

“And for billions of other people.”

“Well, I’d prefer not to starve, thank you. I still don’t see how a large percentage of the world’s population can feed themselves this way.”

Aaron gave a slight chuckle and then pulled out another pair of chopsticks from the take-out bag. “Give me your hand,” he said.

Spencer rolled his eyes. “Hotch,” he said, reprovingly.

“Give me your hand, Spencer.”

Spencer complied. Aaron grasped it with his own, and then started to trace Spencer’s fingers. Spencer’s breath caught.

“You have beautiful hands,” Aaron murmured. Spencer licked his lips.

“Here,” Aaron said, handing Spencer the chopsticks. “Let me see how you hold these.” 

Spencer took them. He could tell his grip was awkward.

“No, no, no. That won’t do.” Aaron took Spencer’s hand and corrected his hold.

Spencer smiled. “You’re going to feed me?”

“I’m going to teach you by example.” Aaron moved Spencer’s hand to his plate and together they picked up a piece of the kung pao chicken. “Now, don’t grip so tightly. Just keep your hold light and move smoothly.”

Spencer actually managed to get the food into his mouth. Aaron looked inordinately pleased. Spencer snorted and rolled his eyes again. “Really, I can feed myself.”

Aaron took Spencer’s hand again, caressing the long fingers. “I like showing you new things.”

“You remember,” Spencer said, “when you tried to teach me how to better shoot a gun? You know, right before I failed my firearm qualification exam.”

“I remember.” 

It was also right before Spencer had shot and killed Philip Dowd, but they both declined to mention that.

“You do know that having you behind me at the firing range,” Spencer continued, “holding me, directing me, showing me how to shoot, was extremely distracting. Not to mention erotic.”

Aaron swallowed and continued to trace Spencer’s hand. “I hadn’t realized.”

“Thank goodness you probably only thought that I was a bad shot and didn’t realize how much I wanted you to bend me over and take me right there on the firing range.”

Aaron’s breath caught. “Oh god,” he murmured. “You’ve wanted me for that long?” He brought Spencer’s hand to his lips and started to slowly suck on Spencer’s index finger. Spencer shuddered.

“I would never have done anything,” Spencer said in an unsteady voice, “but, yes Aaron, I think I’ve wanted you since I first saw you. You’re absolutely gorgeous, you know, and then, as I got to know you, I was even more attracted by who you are, how very… noble… you are.”

Aaron kissed Spencer’s palm, then reached out with his other hand to stroke Spencer’s cheek. “Come here,” Aaron said, cupping the back of Spencer’s head and drawing him closer.

“I thought you said you were starving,” Spencer remarked.

“I am,” Aaron agreed and pulled Spencer in for a kiss.

They kissed deeply and passionately, but then Spencer pulled away. “Eat,” he insisted. “I don’t want to be responsible for you wasting away.”

Aaron kissed him on his forehead and then pulled back. “I’ll eat if you try and use the chopsticks again.”

Spencer gave an exaggerated sigh but, using the technique Aaron showed him, managed to get another piece of food into his mouth. Aaron smiled an actual smile. Spencer gave him a mock glare and picked up his fork. Aaron’s smile broadened and then he continued to eat with the chopsticks.

“All in all this was a successful case,” Spencer said after a moment.

“Yes,” Aaron replied.

“But everyone seemed to be trying a little bit too hard to pretend that everything is normal.”

Aaron frowned slightly and then nodded. “Yeah. Our banter was a bit forced, wasn’t it? We’re all acting as if things are fine, but underneath….” Aaron fell silent, eating his food.

Spencer forced himself to reach out and touch Aaron’s arm. “I’m sorry about Detective Kim. Having to admit that you were no longer the Unit Chief was awkward.”

Aaron nodded thoughtfully. “You know, it’s not that I really mind all that much when we’re meeting new people with no expectations. For me, the team is the important aspect of who we are and what we do, not that I’m in charge. But yeah, it was uncomfortable, a bit, to admit to someone who had worked with us that Morgan is now the boss.”

“Well, ‘your’ team could tell. I think that’s why we were all trying so hard on the plane ride back to pretend everything was okay.” 

“I’m fortunate, I know, to have you, all of you, this team, with me.”

“I think we’re all fortunate to be part of this team and to have you as our leader.”

Aaron smiled a bit sadly and kissed Spencer’s brow. “Thank you. I don’t know what I’ve done to earn your faith, but thank you.”

“You’re you, Aaron. You don’t need to do anything more.” Spencer leaned over and kissed him gently. Aaron returned the kiss, and then deepened it slowly, carefully. They broke apart and Spencer could see the desire in Aaron’s dark eyes. 

“Let’s go to bed,” Aaron whispered. Spencer gave a quick glance at the mess sitting on his table. “I’ll help you clean later.” 

Deciding that the mess could wait, Spencer agreed. Aaron followed him into the bedroom. “How much longer will you be on the crutches?” he asked.

Spencer shrugged and sat on the bed. “They think I can graduate to a cane pretty soon. It’s annoying, but it’s healing, slowly. I don’t think I’ll ever take simple walking for granted again.” 

Aaron sat down next to him. “You’re pretty amazing, you know.”

“For getting myself shot?”

“For saving that doctor’s life, I heard. And for saving the life of the perpetrator.”

“I shot him, Hotch.”

“Not fatally. Everyone lived, Spencer. You made sure of that.”

Spencer shrugged again and Aaron drew him in for another gentle kiss. They lay down on the bed. Aaron pushed Spencer onto his back and lay on top of him, kissing his lips, his brow, his neck. “I’d like to explore you this time, if that’s okay,” Aaron murmured, kissing Spencer’s earlobe.

“Yes,” Spencer breathed.

Aaron removed Spencer’s tie and unbuttoned his vest, then his shirt, continuing to kiss his neck all the while. Spencer began to writhe. Aaron opened Spencer’s shirt, exposing his bare chest. He began to kiss his way down, sucking on a nipple, stroking Spencer’s ribs, kissing his chest. Spencer found himself making little moaning sounds and being unable to stop. He then found that he didn’t care, especially as Aaron began to kiss the concave of his belly.

Aaron undid Spencer’s belt and fly and opened up his pants. Aaron stroked Spencer’s hardness through his boxes.

“Oh yes,” Spencer groaned.

Aaron pushed Spencer’s pants and underwear down slightly and then hesitated. Spencer stroked the top of his head. “You don’t have to, you know,” Spencer said quietly. 

Aaron looked up and their gazes met. “I’d like to try,” he said, a bit nervously. Spencer bit his lip and nodded.

Aaron looked back down and then slowly, painstakingly, took the tip of Spencer’s erection into his mouth. Spencer gave a strangled whimper and tried to keep from thrusting. He was mostly successful.

Aaron moaned and began to apply more suction, then took his hand and started to stroke the base of Spencer’s cock.

Spencer groaned again. “So good, Aaron.”

Aaron began to use his tongue to trace Spencer’s hardness. Spencer started to shake at the effort of not thrusting into that wet heat. 

“I like watching you react,” Aaron said in a husky voice, and went back to sucking.

“Please,” Spencer said breathlessly.

“Please what?”

“Anything. Anything you want, anything you need. Just… anything.”

Aaron continued to stroke him. “I could watch you all day. I haven’t had anyone want me like this in a very, very long time. What do you want, Spencer? What do you need?”

Spencer hesitated for a second and then said, “Fuck me.” He took in Aaron’s shocked expression. “If you want to, that is,” Spencer added nervously.

Aaron swallowed, hard. “I’d like that,” he admitted, his expression still looking a bit dazed. 

“Get up here,” Spencer said, tugging on Aaron’s arm. “And let’s get undressed.” 

The removed their clothes and Spencer had Aaron lie on top of him, enjoying the weight of his body. Their erections aligned and Spencer thrust up slightly, earning him a slight moan from Aaron coupled with a downward thrust. Spencer ran his fingers through Aaron’s hair and pulled him in for a fervent kiss. Spencer could feel Aaron’s scars pressed against his own chest, and he ran his hands down Aaron’s back, pulling him even closer.

Aaron pulled back from the kiss. “God, I can’t believe how much I want you,” he panted. 

Spencer drew him down for a gentler kiss. “I hope you know that the feeling is mutual, Aaron.” Spencer thrust up again, and Aaron immediately met his thrust. Spencer gave a broken moan when Aaron started to kiss his neck. 

Aaron pulled away briefly and looked down at Spencer with lust-laden eyes. “How do we do this?” Aaron asked, a bit nervously. “I’ve never, you know… with a man…”

Spencer struggled to get his breathing under control. “Get off me for a sec,” he said, regretfully, and gave a disappointed sound when Aaron complied. He stroked Aaron’s cheek briefly before rolling over and retrieving lube and condoms from his nightstand drawer. Spencer quickly checked the expiration date on the condoms; they were still good, albeit barely. He turned back to Aaron and smiled nervously. 

Aaron’s smile, however, seemed slightly more confident. 

“Are you sure about this?” Spencer asked nonetheless.

Aaron didn’t answer but instead leaned over and started to suck hard on Spencer’s left nipple. Spencer almost levitated off the bed. “I’ll take that as a yes,” he said as he stroked Aaron’s head.

Aaron chuckled around his task.

Spencer touched Aaron’s shoulder and Aaron pulled back. Spencer took in the raw desire in Aaron’s eyes and couldn’t help himself from pulling him in for another kiss.

When they broke apart, Spencer handed Aaron the lube. “You’ll have to prepare me,” he said quietly. Aaron nodded. “And be sure to use a lot of lube,” Spencer added. “It’s… um… been quite a while since I’ve done this.”

“Are you sure—”

Spencer kissed him passionately. “Oh yes, I’m absolutely sure.”

Aaron chuckled. “Okay.” He squeezed some lube on his fingers and brought them to Spencer’s opening. He circled Spencer’s rim gently, teasingly. 

Spencer shuddered. “Oh yes,” he moaned. “That’s it. Start with one finger.”

“You’ll let me know if you’re uncomfortable.”

“Yes, Aaron, I will. Although I don’t think it would be possible for me to be uncomfortable right about now.”

Aaron smiled and breached Spencer’s entrance. Spencer’s breath caught and he pushed down further on Aaron’s finger. “Oh god. Deeper. Please.”

Aaron suppressed a moan and complied. “You are so hot like this. Wanting. Needing.”

Spencer could see that Aaron’s face was flushed with desire. He pulled him in for a frantic kiss as Aaron’s finger continued to create sparks inside him.

“Another one,” Spencer gasped out. “Please.”

He could feel Aaron apply more lube and then two fingers were inside him. Aaron changed the angle of entry slightly and Spencer could feel the fingers brush his prostate. He gasped and clutched Aaron’s arm.

“Okay?” Aaron asked, unsure.

Spencer whimpered. “So good.”

Aaron smiled. He pulled his fingers out, applied more lube, and pushed back in. Spencer’s breath was in shallow gasps. He reached out and found the condom box, taking out a foil packet and opening it with his teeth. He rolled it on Aaron’s cock, and Aaron gave a slight moan. Spencer then grabbed the lube, squeezed some out, and started to stroke Aaron’s cock. 

“Fuck,” Aaron groaned, thrusting into Spencer’s hand. Spencer chuckled. 

They kissed, wetly, sloppily. Spencer released Aaron’s cock and whispered, “Please.”

Aaron gave a little moan. He looked at Spencer lying on the bed. “Like this? In this position, I mean?”

Spencer nodded. “It would be easiest on my knee. If that’s okay?” 

Aaron grabbed a pillow and placed it under Spencer’s back. “It’s absolutely okay, Spencer,” he said with a small smile as he lay on top. He slowly began to push his way inside.

Spencer closed his eyes and felt Aaron breach him. Spencer tried to force himself to relax. He gave himself over to that feeling of pressure, pleasure, and pain. He felt Aaron pause, and he opened his eyes to look into Aaron’s concerned ones.

“Are you all right?” Aaron whispered.

Spencer nodded and took a deep breath. “Just go slowly.” Aaron complied until he was fully sheathed and then held still. Spencer continued to breathe deeply, feeling himself adjusting, accommodating. “Shift up slightly,” he told Aaron, who was focused on him with such intensity that Spencer almost groaned from that look alone. “And begin to move… slowly.”

Aaron nodded and began to thrust gently, altering the angle of his cock. Spencer felt a burst of intense pleasure as Aaron found the right position to stroke Spencer’s prostate. Spencer gasped and clutched at him. “There,” he cried. “Right there. Oh god…” 

Aaron smiled and continued his steady thrusting.

Spencer looked into Aaron’s eyes. Spencer felt almost overwhelmed by the fact that Aaron Hotchner was actually _inside_ him. Spencer had never dared to even dream that this moment was a possibility, although he had longed for Aaron for years. He pulled him down for a kiss and just reveled in the sensations bursting through him. “So good, Aaron,” he cried. “So good.”

“You feel amazing, Spencer. I never knew…” Aaron kissed him again.

“Faster,” Spencer whispered. “Oh please, faster.” Aaron began to thrust fast and deep. Spencer was overwhelmed by the feeling of Aaron around him, inside him, part of him. 

Aaron’s movement became erratic. “I can’t hold on… I’m going to…” 

Spencer clutched at Aaron’s back, pulling him even tighter. “Yes, Aaron. Please.”

Aaron gave three hard, deep thrusts, then groaned softly in Spencer’s ear. Spencer could feel Aaron pulse inside of him. It was almost, but not quite, enough to send him over the edge too.

Aaron panted harshly, his hot breath on Spencer’s neck. Despite his need, Spencer stroked Aaron’s back gently, enjoying the intimacy, the feeling of Aaron softening inside him.

“That was amazing,” Aaron finally breathed. He pulled out slowly; Spencer hissed in a bit of discomfort and loss.

Aaron looked down and saw that Spencer was still aroused – hard and desperate. Spencer was about to beg him to use his hands when Aaron got a mischievous gleam in his eye and quickly bent down, engulfing the tip of Spencer’s cock in his mouth. Spencer couldn’t stop his involuntary thrusts. Aaron, however, stayed with him and even encouraged his reaction.

Mere moments passed and Spencer was at the edge. He tried to push Aaron off of him. “I’m going to come,” he gasped. “I can’t… please… you have to…”

Aaron continued his suction.

Spencer groaned and felt his release burst from him into the hot wetness of Aaron’s mouth. Bliss slammed through his body. He lay there, panting heavily, as he slowly became aware again of his surroundings. Aaron was kneeling back, with an odd look on his face as he licked his lips.

Spencer pulled Aaron to lie partially on top of him and clutched his face. “You… I…” he gasped, amazed by Aaron’s willingness to perform that act. Spencer pulled Aaron down for a deep kiss and groaned as he tasted himself in Aaron’s mouth.

Aaron pulled back slightly and smiled bashfully. “The taste wasn’t quite what I was expecting,” he admitted.

“It’s acquired.”

“Hmm…” Aaron thought about that for a moment and then kissed Spencer again. “Well, if this is the reaction I’m going to get, I suppose I could get used to it.”

Spencer chuckled and kissed Aaron some more. Their kisses were wet and sated and sloppy and lazy and oh so perfect, Spencer thought. After several moments, Aaron pulled away and lay down beside Spencer, who wrapped his arms around Aaron.

“Thank you,” Aaron whispered. “That was… wonderful.”

Spencer kissed Aaron’s brow and pulled him closer. “Stay here. Please,” he said quietly, not caring if he sounded like he was pleading, just wanting Aaron with him.

Aaron nodded. “Yes. I was planning to.”

Spencer made a happy sound as he stroked Aaron’s back. Entwined with each other, they drifted off to sleep.

The next morning was spent waking up late but taking time for quick kisses, followed by rushing to get ready for work and cleaning up congealed Chinese food. Aaron insisted upon driving Spencer to the office (“I’m not making you take the train with your crutches while I’m here with a car,” Aaron declared). They didn’t discuss future plans or what they would do when the team figured it out. By a non-discussed, mutual decision, they decided to just enjoy the moment.

Spencer should have known that such instants are transitory.

The BAU received news that serial killer Karl Arnold, AKA "The Fox", whom the team had captured years earlier, had information regarding a series of recent killings. Aaron and Prentiss went to the prison to interview him.

And everything went to hell.

 

_ Dinner # 4 _

The fourth dinner took place after Haley Hotchner’s funeral. 

Spencer had seen that Aaron was shattered after Haley’s murder. He had withdrawn so far into himself that Spencer didn’t know if it was possible to reach him. Aaron had come to Spencer’s apartment two nights after the horrific events. Spencer could tell by the cold look on Aaron’s face that he wasn’t there for comfort.

Aaron stood just inside Spencer’s doorway, his hands in his pockets, his face like granite. Spencer licked his lips nervously and asked, “Where’s Jack?”

“Haley’s sister is watching him for the moment. I needed to come speak with you in person.”

Spencer swallowed. “Okay.”

“I can’t do this, Reid. I just listened to the woman I loved for more than half my life being murdered and I can’t do… this. I can’t be what you want, what you need. I have to think of Jack. I have to think of you. I can’t give myself to you, and you deserve better than that. I’m sorry.”

“Aaron, we can—”

“No, we can’t. This is over, whatever it is. I’m truly sorry,” Hotch turned around and walked out the door. Spencer closed it after him and then leaned his head on the doorframe, his body shaking.

Spencer only saw Hotch one other time before the funeral, when Director Strauss had cleared him of wrongdoing. Spencer stood with the team in a showing of solidarity as Hotch had walked into the round table room to gather his son. Spencer had vowed to himself that he would always support Hotch, no matter what happened, even after all of this. Maybe even especially after all of this.

Spencer stood behind Hotch at the funeral, listening to Hotch’s heart-broken eulogy. He walked beside Haley Hotchner’s casket, standing with the team as they brought her to her final resting place. He exchanged a glance with Hotch, offering him silent encouragement, but they did not get a chance to speak. 

Spencer was appalled when the team was pulled away from the funeral for a case. The case centered on a series of home invasions in Nashville, and everyone on the team was obviously on edge. Spencer heard that Prentiss had almost lost it when the unsub was captured. The plane ride home was subdued, and Rossi disappeared almost immediately upon landing. Spencer suspected that he had gone to talk to Hotch.

Spencer didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know if Hotch would come back to work. He didn’t know if Hotch should come back to work. He didn’t know how he felt or what he should feel. He stared blankly at the paperwork on the desk before coming to a decision.

He walked to Morgan’s office, leaning on his cane. “I’m leaving,” he told Morgan from the doorway. “I can’t stay any longer today.”

Morgan nodded. “I understand. I think I’m going to leave soon myself. I’m not going to accomplish anything right now, am I?” he said, waving his hand over the files on his desk.

“No,” Spencer agreed. “None of us will.”

“Need a ride home?”

“Actually, if you could drop me off at a supermarket, I need to get stuff to make dinner.”

“You cook?”

Spencer gave a sad smile. “I do tonight.”

Morgan gave him a puzzled look but Spencer refused to elaborate.

A few hours later Spencer was standing in the hallway outside of Hotch’s apartment, a bag of groceries in one hand, his cane in the other. He put the bag down, took a deep breath, and knocked.

After a few moments, Hotch opened the door. “Reid,” he said with surprise, “what are you doing here?” 

Spencer licked his lips nervously and said, “I’ve come to make dinner.”

Hotch stepped out into the hallway and closed the door over until it was only slightly ajar. “While I appreciate the gesture, it’s unnecessary.”

“Hotch, I just want to help.”

“I know. But this is inappropriate, Reid. I told you, I can’t continue whatever we had between us. I think you should go.”

Spencer felt like he had been punched in the gut. His face hardened. “No,” he said.

Hotch looked shocked. “Reid—”

Spencer grabbed his wrist. “Hotch. I have known you for five years now. And I thought, after all this time, that we were friends. That’s why I’m here – as your friend.”

“I appreciate that, but—”

“Shut up. As your friend, I’m going to limp into your kitchen, cook dinner for you and Jack and whoever else is in there, and just be there as someone you can yell at or ignore or anything in-between. Because, as your friend, I am going to let you know that you are not alone.”

Hotch blinked. “That’s very considerate, but—”

“Shut up. I don’t give a damn, Aaron Hotchner, if you never touch me again. That’s not what this is about. But I am not going to abandon you or our friendship. Because I know what it’s like to struggle through horrors alone, and I am not letting you do that. You’ve been alone too long.”

Hotch took a deep breath. “I should be alone,” he said brokenly. “I don’t deserve…”

“What?”

“Compassion. Friendship. Caring.”

“Why the fuck not?”

Hotch looked at Spencer in shock, but then lowered his eyes. “If you only knew the type of monster I was.”

Spencer grabbed his arm. “No. Now you listen to me. We have all, at some point, done something monstrous. All of us. The fact that you were pushed out of control by a psychotic sadist does not make you a monster. What do you expect from yourself, Hotch? You listened as that man killed the woman you loved and vowed to murder your four year old son. The same man who had attacked you and stabbed you nine times. The same man who had killed a bus-load of people and had the audacity to blame you for his actions. And you snapped. Do you think that there are any of us who wouldn’t have? You’re not Superman or Captain America or some other stupid fucking super hero. You’re human, Hotch. And as a human, you were pushed beyond your breaking point.”

Hotch looked at him with pain and fear in his eyes. “He surrendered to me,” Hotch admitted in a shuddering voice. “And I didn’t stop.”

“So what?” Spencer asked emphatically. “This is the same man who managed to escape from incarceration in Boston. Had he lived, he would have spent his whole life planning to come after you, and Jack, until you both were dead. He didn’t deserve your consideration, and I can’t believe that his surrender was genuine.”

“You don’t know what it’s like. I… _enjoyed_ killing him. What sort of monster does that make me?”

Spencer swallowed hard. “I do know what it’s like, Hotch. I killed Tobias Hankel.”

Hotch shook his head. “It’s not the same. He tortured you. He would have killed you right then. You were terrified.”

“And Foyet wouldn’t have killed you? Or Jack? You weren’t terrified of the man who had attacked you and killed Haley? You weren’t terrified for Jack? It’s the same thing, Hotch. Hankel didn’t have to die. I knew you were coming. I knew you were close. I think I provoked him on purpose.”

“Did you really?” Hotch asked. “Don’t you think he would have tried to kill you the second he knew we were there? He had already shown himself to be ruthless and able to kill within mere seconds.”

“Maybe you’re right. I don’t know. I’ll never know. But then I did the truly unthinkable.” Spencer looked away.

Hotch reached out and grasped his shoulder. “Tell me.”

Spencer forced himself to meet Hotch’s eyes. “After I asked for a moment alone, I took two vials of dilaudid from Hankel’s pocket.” Spencer started to shake. “I took them from Hankel’s dead body, Hotch. From the man I had just killed. What sort of monster does that make _me_?” Spencer looked away.

Hotch cupped his chin and forced Spencer to look at him again. “That makes you a scared man who had just undergone inconceivable torture and who was looking for a way to make the pain all stop. And one who was subsequently abandoned by everyone around you. I’m sorry, so sorry, I let you go through that alone. You deserved better than that.”

Spencer gave a half smile. “So do you, Hotch. I won’t let you go through this alone.”

Hotch shook his head in resignation. “Point taken. Okay. So what are you making for dinner?”

Spencer’s smiled broadened. “Chicken soup.”

Aaron opened the door and Spencer stepped inside his apartment. “You make homemade chicken soup?” Hotch asked incredulously.

“It’s my mother’s secret recipe.”

Hotch frowned. “Um…”

Spencer limped into the kitchen, Hotch following. Spencer found himself face-to-face with a pretty blonde woman who had been looking through the cupboards. She seemed profoundly sad. She looked between Spencer and Hotch curiously.

“Jessica,” Hotch said, “this is one of my colleagues and team members, Dr. Spencer Reid. Reid, I don’t know if you’ve ever formally been introduced – this is Jessica Brooks, Haley’s sister.” 

Spencer blinked. He had heard that Haley’s sister was helping with Jack but, for some reason, he hadn’t expected her to still be there. “I’m sorry for your loss,” he said quietly.

“I’m sure you’ve had to say that many times.”

He held her gaze. “That doesn’t mean that I’m not sincere every time I say it.” He threw a quick look to Hotch. “I truly am sorry,” he said, meeting Jessica’s gaze again.

She smiled sadly. “Thank you. I appreciate that.”

He put the grocery bag on top of the kitchen counter. “Reid’s here to cook us dinner,” Hotch informed Jessica.

“Oh.” She actually gave a bit of a relieved sigh. “What are you making?”

“Chicken soup.”

“Do you need any help?”

He leaned on his cane and contemplated how long he would have to stand to cut up all the vegetables. “Actually, that would be great,” he said.

“You said it’s your mother’s recipe?” Hotch asked, sounding a bit nervous.

“Good,” Jessica said. “Family recipes are always the best.”

“Actually,” Spencer said, “my mother is a schizophrenic and some of her culinary adventures were less than palatable. I’ve always found this one, however, to be enjoyable.”

Jessica gave him a perplexed look, and then shifted her eyes to Hotch to try and determine if his co-worker was kidding.

“Reid, I’ve seen what you eat in the field. Are you sure—”

“Daddy?” They all turned around to see Jack coming into the kitchen, dragging a teddy bear and looking like he had just woken up from a nap.

“Hey Jack,” Hotch said gently, reaching down to pick up his son. 

Spencer’s chest tightened as he looked at Hotch’s son. Jack looked at him, curiosity warring with sadness in his eyes. 

“You remember Spencer from work, right Jack?” Hotch said.

“Hi Jack,” Spencer said with an awkward wave. 

Jack gave him a little smile and then hugged his father’s neck tighter.

“I’m going to take him inside,” Hotch said and then went into the living room, leaving Spencer and Jessica alone. Spencer could see that Jessica’s eyes were filled with tears.

“He’s all that’s left of my sister,” she said as she met his gaze. “I’ll do anything for him… and Aaron.”

Spencer nodded. “We all feel that way.”

Jessica shook herself. “So, your recipe…?”

“It’s chicken and vegetables in a tomato based broth. It really is good.”

“Okay, let’s get started.”

They worked together for a bit, cutting the ingredients and adding them to the pot. Spencer shifted a bit when he knee started to hurt and leaned against the counter.

“What happened to your leg?” Jessica asked, indicating his cane.

Spencer licked his lips. “Um… I was shot.”

“Oh.” There were a few moments of silence. “How?”

Spencer sighed. “An unsub – unknown subject, a suspect,” he clarified, seeing her confused look, “was targeting a doctor because he blamed him for his son’s death. He came to the doctor’s home to shoot him. I got in the way.”

“On purpose?”

Spencer shrugged. “Yeah.”

“Where was Aaron?”

“That… was the day after Hotch was attacked.”

“Oh.” Her eyes were wide. “It’s quite a dangerous job you have.”

Spencer shrugged again. They were silent for a few moments, the only sound was the chopping of the vegetables.

“Why do you do it?” Jessica blurted out.

He looked at her. “The reasons are both myriad and complex and yet absurdly simple. I’ve often felt I was groomed for this position, but that doesn’t really answer your question. I do it, I suppose, because there are times, just times, when I have the opportunity to make a huge difference in someone’s life. We can’t stop the pain for the families already impacted, but sometimes we can prevent other families from having to go through that trauma. And sometimes we even save someone.”

“Is the cost worth it?” she asked. Spencer knew she was referring to Haley.

‘No, sometimes it’s not. But we do it anyway. We have to; it’s not something many people can do.”

She wiped away a tear and added celery to the pot.

“So, what’s it like to work for Aaron?” she asked after a moment.

Spencer felt his throat constrict at bit as he thought about Hotch, his suffering, his isolation. Spencer thought about the things they had done, the things he still wanted to do, the things he knew that they would never do again. “He’s…” Spencer forced himself to speak past the lump in his throat, “the most honorable man I know.”

Jessica gave him an odd look, but one that seemed understanding. She reached over and touched Spencer’s arm briefly. “Yes, he is.”

“I would do anything for him,” Spencer whispered. “The whole team would. The respect that we… _I_ … have for him cannot be quantified.” He gave a little sad smile. “And I can quantify almost anything.”

Jessica smiled back.

They heard a sound from the doorway and turned to see Hotch standing there. His eyes betrayed nothing. “I was just checking to see how you were doing.”

Spencer forced a smile. “Just about done,” he said, adding the carrots. “It just needs to simmer for a while.” He shifted and winced slightly at a pain in his knee. 

“Why don’t you go inside and sit down?” Jessica said. “I’ll clean up here.”

“I’m fine. My leg is actually much better and—”

“And you’re not supposed to be standing on it for long period of time,” Hotch interrupted. “Go sit down. I’ll help Jess.”

Spencer nodded and limped slightly as he made his way into the living room. He found Jack curled up on the couch, watching an animated film.

He sat in a chair and looked at Hotch’s son. He could almost feel the sadness rolling off Jack. He understood that pain, that sense of loss and abandonment. He tried to think of a way to alleviate it, if only for a moment.

“Hey Jack,” he said quietly, “do you like magic?”

Jack gave him a tentative nod.

“Come here.”

When Hotch came back into the room a little while later, he found his son actually laughing a little as Spencer pulled a quarter out from his ear. Spencer then put a pencil through a piece of paper and pulled it out again; Jack gasped in surprise. Spencer met Hotch’s gaze and Hotch gave him a slight smile.

“How did you do that?” Jack demanded.

“A magician never reveals his secrets.”

“I want to be a magician too. Can you show me?”

“Um… I guess I could,” Spencer replied. “If that’s okay with your father.”

“Daddy, can Spencer teach me magic?”

Hotch looked at him with uncertainty; Spencer nodded slightly. “Sure, buddy,” Hotch finally said. “If Spencer doesn’t mind.”

“Can you show me something now?” Jack demanded.

“Of course,” Spencer said. “Since you are now a magician’s apprentice – my student – I’ll show you all my tricks.” Spencer got a deck of cards out of his messenger bag. “Let’s start with a card trick.” 

Jack smiled. Spencer looked at Hotch again. “Thank you,” Hotch mouthed silently. 

The four of them had a subdued dinner, although Spencer did notice that both Hotch and Jessica looked profoundly relieved that the soup was edible. In fact, it was probably good (if Spencer did think so himself) since Jack was eating it between telling his father about magic tricks.

“I can get him a starter magic kit,” Spencer said quietly when Jack had left the table and was sitting with Jessica in the living room. “I don’t mind.”

“Reid, I’m not sure—”

“As your friend, Hotch. Nothing more. If I can give him a bit of a distraction, I’ll be happy to do it. If he gets bored, I’ll stop. I just… want to help.”

“I appreciate… well… everything… from you, from the team. I’m honored to have you, all of you, as my friends.”

Spencer nodded.

“As my… family,” Hotch continued. “Thank you for being here.”

Spencer swallowed. “You’re welcome. Anything you need.”

They sat in silence for a few moments. “I’m going to come back, you know,” Hotch finally said. “To the BAU. Jessica is going to help out and watch Jack when we’re away. I… _need_ to come back.”

“We need you too,” Spencer whispered. 

Hotch stood and clasped Spencer’s shoulder briefly. “Thank you for dinner. Tell your mother her recipe was delicious.”

Spencer smiled. “I’ll put it in my letter tonight.” He looked over and saw that Jack was starting to fall asleep on the couch. “I should go.”

Hotch nodded.

Spencer said his good-byes, surprised when both Jessica and Jack gave him a hug. He walked out into the crisp autumn air and looked at the stars in the clear sky, feeling satisfied. He made his way home.


	3. Chapter 3

_ Dinner # 5 _

The fifth dinner took place about 10 months after Haley’s death. It was, again, unexpected, at least on Spencer’s part.

He had watched Hotch closely as Hotch silently struggled in the months following his return to work. Hotch had only broken once, slightly, on his first case back, when the team realized that the unsub (who had almost killed Emily) had forced the cooperation of a former police officer, Joe Muller, by kidnapping and threatening his wife and kids. Hotch had made a wounded sound as he listened to the wife’s desperate plea for help, and he stayed at the police station when the team went to search for them. Spencer had limped over to where Hotch was sitting, staring at nothing, and had gently placed a hand on Hotch’s shoulder.

“I couldn’t go with them,” Hotch admitted, so quietly. “I can’t be there if they find the bodies.”

“I know,” Spencer had whispered. “No one expected you to.”

“But Emily’s injured and I should have—”

“You think _Emily_ was going to sit by and not look for them. She would have disobeyed anyone who had given her that order.”

Hotch snorted but remained silent. Spencer sat with him until they got the call that Muller’s wife and children had been found and were safe. They both gave sighs of relief.

After that one incident, Hotch seemed to act as if nothing was wrong. Spencer knew that he was struggling beneath his granite exterior, but Hotch wouldn’t let him get past the façade. He did, however, let Spencer into his life, if just a little bit. Spencer had bought the starter magic kit and was teaching Jack sleight-of-hand tricks. Jack’s attention waxed and waned, but he seemed to enjoy the attention.

Spencer had also, about once a month or so, gotten Hotch and Jack out of the house to do fun events that Jack would enjoy, whether it was going to the Smithsonian’s National Museum of Natural History for a kid’s hand-on exhibition or going to the White House Easter Egg Roll. Spencer always made sure to have another BAU team member with them. Usually it was Garcia or Prentiss who came along (sometimes both) and occasionally JJ with Henry and Will. There was even one memorable occasion where Rossi and Morgan had joined Spencer, Hotch, and Jack at the National Zoo, where Jack had fallen in love with the pandas and it appeared that a monkey had fallen in love with Rossi.

Spencer made certain that he and Hotch were not alone. Hotch never discussed their brief period of intimacy and Spencer wanted to ensure that Hotch did not feel that Spencer had any expectations. Although sometimes, late at night, unbidden memories would rise of Aaron kissing him, loving him, inside him, and Spencer would get lost in his reminiscences until he found his release. In the morning he would act as if everything was fine and treat Hotch and his teammates with his detached professional attitude. He supposed that Hotch wasn’t the only one who wouldn’t let people behind the façade.

But mostly Spencer was grateful that Hotch was there, at work, acting the leader, and allowing himself to actually have friendships and support. He wanted Hotch to heal, even if the scars, both physical and emotional, would always be there.

The team arrived back in Virginia at about 8:00pm on a Friday evening after a successful case in Tucson. They had even managed to catch the unsub before he could injure the latest woman he had abducted. Spencer liked those cases best.

He was walking across the tarmac after disembarking from the jet, a bit lost in thought, when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He looked around to find Hotch behind him.

“Hey,” Spencer said quietly.

“Jack hasn’t shut up about the dinosaurs, from what I understand,” Hotch said.

Spencer smiled broadly. “Oh. Good. He really liked the show.” On the previous weekend, Spencer had taken Jack to see Walking with Dinosaurs, an “arena spectacular” which had life-size animatronic dinosaurs, well, walking around. Jack had been thrilled. Although Spencer had not really been fascinated with dinosaurs when he was a child, he understood that many young boys were and Jack was no exception. Spencer also found that his interest had been piqued along with Jack’s when they seen the dinosaur bones at the museum when he visited there with Hotch, Jack, JJ, and Henry.

JJ had declined to take Henry to the dinosaur show, stating he was a little too young for life-size roaring dinosaurs and would probably be frightened. Garcia had said she would go, though, but on the day of the event both she had Hotch had developed the flu.

Spencer had knocked on Hotch’s apartment door and was fairly shocked when he saw Hotch. “You look awful,” he blurted out without thinking.

“Thanks,” Hotch croaked. “I feel pretty lousy, actually.”

“You don’t look like you’re up to going out.”

“I don’t think so, no.”

“I want to see dinosaurs!” Jack had cried from inside the apartment.

“I know, buddy. It’s just that… Daddy’s sick.”

“But I want to see dinosaurs!”

Hotch sighed.

“Um… Garcia and I could take him,” Spencer offered quietly.

“Check your messages, Reid. Garcia’s sick too.”

“Oh.”

“Dinosaurs!” Jack cried again.

“Jack…” Hotch began, frustration in his voice.

“I could take him by myself,” Spencer heard himself say.

“Yes!” Jack roared.

“What?” Hotch asked.

Spencer took a deep breath. “I could take him. Really. Jack knows me and it’s not a problem and I know he wants to see the dinosaurs and…” Spencer wasn’t sure if he was trying convince Hotch or himself.

“Are you sure?” Hotch asked dubiously.

“It will be fine.”

“Grrrrr….” Jack growled. “I’m a T-Rex.”

Hotch sighed. “He can be a handful.”

Spencer swallowed hard and nodded. “It will be fine,” he repeated, hoping that it was true.

Actually, the day had gone fairly well. Jack had been loud and made roaring dinosaur noises, but mostly listened when Spencer asked him to do things, although Spencer suspected that the bribe of concession stand snacks had something to do with that. Hotch had called approximately every five minutes to make sure they were all right. Finally Spencer snapped and said, “Look, Hotch, the show is starting. I won’t take your call while the dinosaurs are out. You looked awful. Take a nap!”

There was a moment of silence and then Hotch actually laughed. “Fine. But just make sure that my son doesn’t get eaten by a dinosaur.”

Hotch met them at the door, blinking as if he had just woken up, when Spencer dropped Jack off. Jack had been clutching at his stuffed toy T-Rex and excitedly (and loudly) telling his father about all the dinosaurs in the show. Jack ran into the apartment, making growling noises.

“I guess he liked it.” Hotch said ruefully.

“So it appears,” Spencer agreed with a grin.

“Thank you. I really appreciate that you took my son. He would have been disappointed.”

“It wasn’t a problem, Hotch. I enjoyed it too.”

Hotch hesitated slightly, then asked, “Do you want to come in and have something to eat?”

Spencer blinked. They hadn’t shared a dinner together, except while at work, since the night Spencer had made chicken soup after Haley’s funeral. Spencer was tempted, but he took one look at Hotch and saw that he was both exhausted and sick.

“When you’re feeling better,” Spencer said with a smile. “You need rest.”

Hotch nodded. “I actually don’t feel like insisting I’m fine, so you must be right.”

Spencer laughed and then called out good night to Jack, who came running to the door with his dinosaur toy. “Thank you, Spencer,” he said spontaneously, and hugged Spencer’s legs.

Spencer had stiffened in shock. Hotch had looked amused. “You’re welcome, Jack,” Spencer said quietly. Jack squealed in delight and ran back into the apartment.

“Thank you again,” Hotch echoed quietly.

Spencer had just smiled.

Spencer now found himself outside the jet, looking at Hotch who was smiling slightly. “Actually, the show was informative as well as entertaining,” Spencer pointed out. “The announcer explained the differences between the Triassic, Jurassic, and Cretaceous periods and the various dinosaurs that lived during each era.”

Hotch gave him an amused look.

Spencer shrugged. “Of course, I think Jack just liked the roaring, but at least there was an educational aspect as well. I’m glad Jack enjoyed it.”

“According to Jessica, he loved it.”

“Are you going to pick him up now?”

Hotch’s smile faded slightly. “Actually, no. It seems he developed the flu that I had last week. He’s feeling a bit better, but he fell asleep really early tonight. I don’t want to wake him, so I’m just going to pick him up for breakfast. We’ll get pancakes.”

“I’m sorry he got sick, but I’m glad he’s feeling better. Have fun at breakfast and a great weekend with him.” They were almost at the parking lot. Spencer was thinking about asking Morgan or Prentiss for a ride home. He was about to call out to them.

Hotch suddenly put his hand, gently, on Spencer’s arm. “Actually, since I suddenly find myself free tonight, I was wondering if you would… like to have dinner?” Hotch looked a bit nervous.

Spencer stopped and looked at Hotch in surprise. He wondered what the invitation meant, if anything. “I… um…”

Hotch looked down at the ground. “You can say no.”

At that moment, Morgan yelled out, “Hey, Reid, you need a ride?”

Spencer looked at Hotch, who wouldn’t meet his eyes. Spencer sighed and wondered what the hell he was doing. “No, I’m good,” he said to Morgan.

Morgan frowned slightly. “You sure?”

Hotch raised his eyes and met Spencer’s gaze. Hotch’s look was questioning and, perhaps, a bit hopeful.

“Yes, I’m sure,” Spencer told Morgan, giving Hotch a small smile.

Hotch didn’t exactly smile back, but he seemed a trifle less tense. Morgan looked briefly between the two of them and then shrugged. “Okay, man. Have a good weekend. You too, Hotch.”

Everyone exchanged good-byes, ready to go home after the case and get some rest over the weekend. A few moments later, Hotch and Reid were standing in the parking lot besides Hotch’s car.

“So… dinner,” Spencer said.

“Anything you feel like?”

Spencer shrugged.

“There’s an Indian place near me that I’ve been meaning to try,” Hotch suggested.

“Sounds good. I put myself in your capable hands.”

“I hope I don’t disappoint you.”

Spencer looked pointedly at Hotch. “I don’t think that would be possible.”

The air around them suddenly felt tense. Spencer broke off his gaze with an awkward smile and got into the car.

Spencer was surprised at the ease of their conversation as Hotch drove. Although Spencer got along with all his team members, he, still, sometimes felt a bit awkward when trying to just chat with them. He had never felt that way with Hotch. They talked about the case for a bit, then about the impact of genetic versus environmental factors on personality disorders, and then about how Jack liked the panda-cam at the National Zoo. Spencer was surprised when they arrived at the restaurant, since he hardly had noticed the passing of time.

They were fortunate to get a table fairly quickly. Spencer ordered the chicken tikka masala (“The British foreign secretary declared it the new British national dish,” he told Hotch). The food was enjoyable; the company even more so. Spencer actually felt relaxed for the first time in months, and he was secretly thrilled that he had gotten Hotch to laugh a time or two.

“Thanks for suggesting this,” Spencer said as Hotch pushed the last bit of naan toward him. “I enjoyed dinner.”

“I’m glad,” Hotch said, and then looked at him directly, holding his gaze. Hotch swallowed and then said, “Spencer. Thank you for coming. I wanted to talk with you.”

Spencer’s breath caught as he saw Hotch’s serious expression. He licked his lips nervously. “About what?”

“About you. And me. About us.”

“I—” Spencer started and then stopped. He had no idea what to say. He breathed deeply. “I didn’t realize there was an ‘us’.” He regretted saying that immediately when Hotch looked away. “Hotch. I—”

“I know I said I couldn’t do this,” Hotch interrupted him.

Spencer nodded, not trusting himself to speak.

“And I know I said I couldn’t be what you want or need,” Hotch continued.

“Yes,” Spencer croaked.

“I’ve been thinking and… and I’d like to try.” Hotch looked him directly in the eye, his expression fierce.

Spencer felt his throat constrict.

Hotch’s expression fell slightly and he looked, suddenly, shy. “I understand if you’ve moved on. I truly do. And I accept that.” He looked away, down at the table. “I just thought you should know,” he said quietly.

Spencer impulsively grabbed his hand. “I… haven’t moved on.”

Hotch looked up again.

Spencer forced himself to keep his gaze steady. “At the risk of exposing far too much of my emotions, I would wait for you forever. Aaron.”

Hotch’s breath caught. “Spencer.”

Spencer looked away. “It’s funny. It doesn’t feel at all like what I experience when I have chocolate. Or peas.” He looked up shyly.

Hotch looked puzzled for a moment, and then gasped with sudden understanding and remembrance of the conversation Spencer and Emily had once had outside of Jane’s home about the chemical composition of love. Right before they had found Frank’s trailer and his numerous instruments of torture and death.

Hotch squeezed his hand and smiled slightly. “So, the elements of dopamine and…”

“Monoamines, norepinephrine, and serotonin,” Spencer supplied.

“Combine together and give you...?”

“A lot of confusion.”

Hotch’s smile faded. “I’m sorry about that.”

“I’m not. I had just… convinced myself that this wasn’t possible. Are you sure you want to try again?” He didn’t mention that he wasn’t sure their friendship would survive if Hotch walked away abruptly again, but he knew that Hotch already knew that.

“I’ve been thinking, a lot, over the past 10 months since Haley’s death. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate the support I’ve gotten from you, from the team. The friendship, the encouragement, has helped me get through the most difficult time of my life. But I have so many regrets, Spencer. A lifetime worth of regrets.” He leaned forward and kissed Spencer lightly on the cheek. “I don’t want add one more. Will you give me another chance?”

Spencer said the only thing he could possibly say: “Yes.”

“Come home with me tonight.”

Spencer suddenly grinned as he tried to lighten the mood. “I thought you’d _never_ ask.”

They paid the bill and left the restaurant. Aaron drove the short distance to his apartment, holding Spencer’s hand all the while. When they arrived, he led the way, punching in the code to his alarm. He turned to Spencer and smiled. “I’m sure you’ve memorized that code.”

“I really can’t help it,” Spencer said apologetically.

“Good. I’m going to give you a set of keys. Then you can come and go as you please.”

“I—” Spencer began and then Aaron quickly closed the space between and pulled Spencer in for a kiss. Spencer moaned and the put his arms around Aaron, drawing him closer.

“Oh god,” Aaron panted when the broke apart. “I had forgotten how good this was.”

“I hadn’t. Eidetic memory, you know. ”

Aaron tugged Spencer close for another kiss. “Sorry it took me so long.”

Spencer held his finger to Aaron’s lips. “Shh… you needed time, Aaron. Especially with everything that happened. I really do understand that. We’re here now. That’s… that’s more than I ever hoped.”

Aaron took Spencer’s finger into his mouth and sucked on it gently. Spencer shivered. But he had one nagging concern. “What are you going to tell Jack?” he whispered.

Aaron released his finger and kissed him again. “I won’t hide this… us… from him. Is that all right?”

Spencer nodded. “And Jessica?”

“I won’t hide it from her either, although I think she already suspects that there is some sort of connection between us. She asks about you from time to time.”

Spencer blinked, a bit surprised, but then nodded. He took a deep breath and asked the question he was dreading, “What about the team?”

Aaron sighed and took his hand, leading him to the couch where they sat down. “That’s bit more complicated, isn’t it?”

“Yes.”

“I would prefer to wait, at least for a little while, until we inform them. Give us a chance to figure out where we stand with each other.” Aaron stroked Spencer’s cheek. “Is that acceptable?”

“That’s fine. But they are pretty exceptional profilers, all of them. They may figure it out, even if we try to keep our relationship hidden.”

“You’re right; they might. I’d like to deal with that if and when it happens. I would prefer to strengthen whatever we have between us before we bring it to the team. Especially since we’re blatantly disregarding the fraternization rules. And who knows? In three months you could be so annoyed with my stoicism that you’re ready to walk away.” Aaron had said that with a joking tone, but there was an undercurrent of nervousness there that Spencer picked up.

Spencer grasped Aaron’s hand. “No, I won’t. I know you, Aaron. I want this _because_ of who you are, not _in spite_ of it.” He drew Aaron in for a hug and felt him shiver.

“Thank you,” Aaron whispered in his ear. Spencer let go and kissed him gently. He then pulled back.

“So we deal with the team later,” Spencer said.

“Yes. If that’s all right with you?”

Spencer grinned. “It will drive Morgan crazy trying to figure out what I’m up to. I’m good with that.”

Aaron chuckled. “My evil genius.” They kissed again. “God, Spencer, I can’t tell you how much I want you or how many times I’ve thought of this over the past several months.”

Spencer groaned and kissed Aaron again. “I’d love to see your bedroom,” Spencer said with a shuddering breath.

Aaron stood and took his hand, leading the way. They fell on Aaron’s bed, kissing passionately. Spencer pulled back. “Take off your tie,” he whispered and then shuddered as Aaron complied. “There is something so incredibly sexy about seeing you without a tie.”

Aaron smiled and pulled off Spencer’s tie, then began kissing his neck as he began to unbutton Spencer’s shirt. Spencer moaned. “Oh, so good.”

“Yes,” Aaron agreed.

They managed to divest themselves, and each other, of their clothes and lay side-by-side, naked, on the bed. Spencer traced Aaron’s scars and occasionally leaned over to kiss him on the shoulder, the neck, the chest.

“Tell me what you want,” Spencer said quietly as he kissed Aaron’s jaw. Aaron rolled over to the nightstand and came back with lube and condoms. Spencer blinked in surprise.

“I knew I was going to ask you here, I just didn’t know when,” Aaron explained. “I was optimistic and hopeful that you would say yes.”

Spencer smiled. “Yes.”

Aaron grabbed Spencer’s hand and looked Spencer directly in the eyes. “I’d like you to take me,” he said firmly.

Spencer blinked. “Are you certain?”

Aaron blushed slightly but didn’t look away. “Yes.”

“But with what Foyet did… we don’t have to do this right away. We can work up to it, if it’s really what you want. But we don’t have to do it at all.”

“I want this, Spencer. I want you. Are you saying that you don’t want to do this?”

“I won’t deny that I’ve thought about it. From time to time.” Spencer blushed. “Frequently.”

Aaron kissed him. “Then get on with it,” he said gently.

“I just don’t want to push you or make you uncomfortable.”

“I’ll let you know if you do.” Aaron then forestalled any further argument by starting to stroke Spencer’s cock.

“That’s an unfair negotiation trick,” Spencer moaned.

Aaron chuckled and kissed Spencer’s ear. “Not one I usually teach at the Academy,” he breathed, “but I do stress that it’s important to be adaptable and to tailor your negotiation strategies to the individual.” He added a little twist to his stroke and Spencer gasped.

“Not fair,” Spencer groaned and began to kiss Aaron’s neck. He licked his collarbone and kissed his way down Aaron’s chest, stopping to trace some of the scars. He tongued a nipple and then gently suckled on it. Aaron moaned.

Aaron’s hand fell away as Spencer continued to kiss his way downward. He followed the dark hair toward its ultimate treasure and paused, his lips hovering over Aaron’s cock, which twitched as if seeking Spencer’s heat.

Spencer looked up until Aaron met his gaze. Aaron’s breath caught and he gave a strangled whimper as Spencer began to tongue the head of his cock. Spencer sucked him in slowly. Aaron’s eyes closed as his head fell back and he began to pant.

Spencer tongued his way up and down the length of Aaron’s cock. Aaron stopped him with a light touch of his hair. Spencer looked up.

“That’s a bit too good. I want…” Aaron swallowed, “I still want you inside me.”

Spencer licked his lips and nodded. “Okay.” He wasn’t at all certain about this, but he trusted Aaron to know what he wanted.

Aaron handed him the lube.

Spencer coated his fingers and then slowly, almost delicately, traced circles around Aaron’s opening. He watched Aaron closely and saw him tense and then force himself to loosen.

Spencer really wasn’t sure about this.

Spencer began to suck on Aaron’s balls and apply a bit more pressure with his finger. Aaron tensed again and then took deep breaths.

Spencer knew he had to do something a bit more… unexpected… to take Aaron’s mind off whatever connections he was making. Spencer’s head moved lower and he replaced his finger with his tongue, gently rimming Aaron.

Aaron tensed again, but the moan he gave sounded much more promising.

Spencer smiled to himself and kept up the steady pressure. He knew that Foyet would not have done this to Aaron, and he was thrilled that he was giving him new, pleasant memories to replace the bad.

He sucked at Aaron’s opening some more, using his tongue to gently loosen the tight muscle and enjoying the panting whimpers that Aaron made. Spencer tongued his way slowly back up to Aaron’s cock. As Spencer sucked on the head, he used one finger to breach Aaron, who thrust into his mouth and gave a strangled groan. Spencer used a counterpoint of sucking and moving his finger in and out, slowly.

“So good,” Aaron breathed.

Spencer smiled around his mouthful and removed his finger. He added more lube and then placed two fingers at Aaron’s opening.

“Yes,” Aaron moaned.

Spencer pushed in and kept up his suction. Aaron began a rhythm of shallow thrusting and groaned, “Oh god.”

Spencer continued his steady pace.

“More.”

Spencer added a third finger. Aaron tensed. Spencer began licking along the veins of his cock. Aaron reached for Spencer’s head and ran his fingers through his hair. Spencer looked up at him, keeping his fingers moving. “Please,” Aaron said. “Now.”

Spencer swallowed. He removed his fingers and kneeled between Aaron’s legs. Aaron handed him a condom. Spencer rolled it on with slightly shaking hands and covered himself liberally with lube. “It might be easier, on your knees,” he whispered.

Aaron shook his head. “I need to see your face.”

“Okay.” He positioned himself at Aaron’s entrance. “Let me know if you need to stop.”

Aaron nodded shortly. “Do it.”

Spencer began to push in. It had been quite a long time since he had done this. And Aaron was tight. So tight and hot. Spencer released a shuddering breath.

Aaron, on the other hand, held his.

Spencer pushed in a little further. Aaron’s face became blank and his eyes squeezed shut. Spencer gently stroked his brow, forcing himself to stay still. “Aaron?”

Aaron’s eyes opened, but his face was tense. “If I asked you to pull out, you would?” he questioned in a tight voice.

Spencer took a deep breath, knowing he would miss that exquisite heat surrounding him. He also knew he would have no regrets. “Of course,” he breathed, beginning to withdraw.

Aaron stopped him and held him in place. “Okay,” he said and gave a quick, strained smile. “I think I just needed to know that you would, if that makes any sense.”

“Aaron, we don’t need to—”

“Shh… I want this. I want you. I think I’m getting used to the pressure. Move. Please. Slowly.”

Spencer pressed inward until he was fully sheathed. Aaron’s breathing was still a bit more labored than Spencer would have liked. “Let me try something,” he said, and shifted upward slightly. Aaron gave a gasp.

“Good? Or bad?”

“Good,” Aaron said hurriedly. “Try that again.”

Spencer pushed in gently, striving to hit that perfect angle.

Aaron groaned. “Oh. There.”

Spencer grinned and began to move in steady, slow thrusts. Aaron reached for him, grasping his back. He looked into Spencer’s face and began to lift up to meet his movements. “Spencer,” he whimpered. “Oh god, Spencer.”

“That’s it, Aaron. I’ve got you.”

“Yes. Please, yes.”

Spencer shifted his weight so he could grasp Aaron’s cock. Aaron cried out. His eyes fluttered shut. He held Spencer tighter and began to increase the tempo of their movements. Spencer stroked in time to their thrusts.

He was close. So close. He wanted to hold out to make Aaron come first, though. He slowed their pace and shifted his angle so that his cock slowly raked Aaron’s prostate with each move. He continued to stroke Aaron’s cock in a steady rhythm. He leaned down and tongued Aaron’s ear, then nibbled on his neck.

With a cry, Aaron came.

Spencer held on, barely, and watched Aaron’s release. He then thrust twice, hard, and his orgasm slammed through him.

He was shuddering, his breath fast and shallow, when he came to a stop.

“Wow,” Aaron said.

Spencer took a deep breath. “Yeah.” He felt himself softening. “This may sting a little,” he warned as he pulled out.

Aaron hissed in a bit of discomfort.

“You okay?” Spencer asked as he removed the condom and threw it in the nearby trash. He then drew Aaron into his arms.

“Actually, yeah, I’m good.”

“It’s the release of the endorphins and the hormone oxytocin. A UC San Francisco study found that oxytocin is associated with the ability to maintain healthy interpersonal relationships and psychological boundaries with other people. When it’s released during orgasm, it begins creating an emotional bond – the more sex, the greater the bond.”

Aaron kissed him gently. “Good. I’m planning to have a lot more sex with you. You know, to strengthen our bond.”

Spencer blushed slightly. “Sounds like a good plan.”

They kissed some more. When they pulled back, Spencer traced Aaron’s cheek. “Seriously, are you all right?”

Aaron nodded. “Yes. It was a bit intense and… terrifying… for a moment, but I kept reminding myself that it was you and how much I wanted _you_. How much I needed _you_.”

“We didn’t need to do this tonight. We didn’t need to do this ever.”

“I’m serious, Spencer, that I want this, whatever this is, between us. That I want to be who you need.”

Spencer kissed his brow. “You don’t ever have to prove anything to me, Aaron.”

“I know. But I’ve been thinking about this for a while now. It isn’t fair to you if I’m holding back. I needed to prove, to myself, that I could go all in with a relationship with you.”

Spencer pulled him in for a tight hug. “Thank you,” he whispered. “I’m yours. For as long as you want me.”

Aaron kissed Spencer jaw. “Good. We’ll start with forever and then go from there.”

Spencer chuckled sleepily. “Aaron Hotchner: closet romantic.”

“Hush, you’ll ruin my reputation.”

“I can be bribed to keep quiet.”

“I bet you can.” They kissed lazily and shifted so that Aaron’s head was on Spencer’s chest. Spencer stroked his back lazily and Aaron traced one of Spencer’s nipples. They gently drifted off to sleep, wrapped in each other’s embrace.

 

_ And a Breakfast _

Spencer awoke to Aaron tickling his foot. He twitched and pulled back.

“Wake up, sleepy head,” Aaron said with a smirk. “Hurry up or you’ll miss out on breakfast with Jack.”

Spencer groaned sleepily and blinked his eyes. “Oh hell, I need eye drops and contact solution. And my glasses.”

Aaron sat next to him on the bed. “I brought your go-bag up here. I assume what you need is in there.”

Spencer blinked blearily and realized that Aaron was showered and dressed, in jeans and a fleecy pullover that looked incredibly soft and touchable. He reached out and stroked Aaron’s chest before he was quite aware of what he was doing. He blushed slightly and pulled his hand away. “Thanks,” he said, with a quick glance at his bag.

Aaron leaned over and kissed him, deeply and passionately. Spencer moaned.

Aaron pulled back and ran his fingers through Spencer’s hair. “Go get ready,” he said gently. “If you hurry, I’ll even make you some coffee.”

Spencer kissed him quickly. “For coffee I would follow you anywhere.”

“Even to IHOP for pancakes with a five-year-old?”

“Caffeine and maple syrup? Can this day get any better?”

Aaron kissed him one more time, slowly. “I’ll see what I can come up with,” he breathed into his ear. Spencer shuddered.

Aaron pushed Spencer gently. “Go.” Aaron got out of the bed and went to the kitchen. Spencer sighed and headed to the bathroom to prepare for his day. A little while later Spencer found himself showered, dressed, and sitting in Aaron’s car, sipping coffee from a travel cup and feeling generally content.

Aaron drove to Jessica’s place. The ride was silent, but Spencer thought that mostly because he hadn’t reached caffeinated consciousness yet. The silence between them was comfortable, although Spencer did have to resist his urge to kiss Aaron’s shoulder. He thought that by the smirking smile Aaron gave him at a red light that Aaron had read his mind. He smiled back.

Aaron parked in Jessica’s driveway. He reached out and grasped Spencer’s hand. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For being here. For agreeing to be with Jack. For agreeing to be with _me_. I… just… thank you.”

Spencer leaned over and kissed Aaron, quickly but firmly. Aaron smiled.

“Let’s go get your son.”

Jessica looked a bit harried when she opened the door. “Jack’s feeling much better,” she said, “but he’s not cooperating about getting dressed. Hi, Spencer. Nice to see you again.”

Spencer gave a little wave as Aaron sighed. “I’ll go get him,” Aaron said.

“He’s in his room, growling or something.”

Aaron went up the stairs.

Spencer stood awkwardly with Jessica Brooks in her foyer. “Would you like some coffee?” she asked.

He held up his travel cup. “I’m good,” he said, taking a sip.

Jessica looked at him quizzically and then said, “I’m glad to see that you and Aaron have finally gotten together.”

It was through sheer willpower that Spencer did not spit out his coffee. “Um…”

“Between you showing up at his apartment to cook dinner, Jack’s constant chattering about you, and Aaron’s steadfast refusal to mention you, I knew that something was going on.”

Spencer gave a surprised laugh. “Have you ever considered profiling?”

Jessica just shook her head. “Oh, hell no,” she said laughingly.

“There wasn’t really anything going on. At least, not since… um… and yeah, there wasn’t much going on before that, either. Just a few… encounters.” Spencer felt himself blushing.

Jessica looked at him seriously. “Aaron is fierce. Fierce is life, fierce in love. If he gives his heart to you, he’ll do it completely.”

“I only hope I’m worth it,” Spencer whispered.

“He wouldn’t do it unless you were. But he’ll divided with his job, which is far more of who he is than I think my sister ever wanted to admit. You’ll understand that, though, won’t you?”

Spencer nodded. “It’s who I am too.”

“Then I think you’ll work out fine.”

They heard a sudden noise. They looked up to find Jack bounding down the stairs, Aaron behind him. “Don’t run on the stairs,” his father admonished. Jack slowed down, barely.

“Spencer!” Jack exclaimed and threw his arms around his legs.

“Hey Jack,” Spencer said while trying to keep his balance. Jessica held out a hand to steady him.

“Want to go get pancakes, Jack?” Aaron asked.

“Yay!” Jack held out his stuffed dinosaur. “Rexie wants pancakes too.”

Aaron leaned over and kissed Jessica’s cheek. “Thanks, Jess, again, for everything.”

“It’s no problem,” she said with a smile. They all said their good-byes, Jack giving her a hug. “You boys have fun now,” she called from the door as they walked to the car.

Aaron looked slightly puzzled.

“She knows,” Spencer said quietly.

Aaron nodded.

“She knows what?” Jack asked.

“Your aunt knows everything, Jacks. That’s why you should listen to her.” Aaron got Jack loaded into the car seat.

“Spencer’s coming to breakfast too?” Jack asked.

“Yes.”

“Oh good. Rexie wants the chocolate chip pancakes.”

Spencer laughed as Aaron sighed. “We’ll see Jack.”

They arrived at the restaurant and got themselves situated in a booth. Aaron had a look of horror on his face as both Jack and Spencer drenched their chocolate chip pancakes in maple syrup. “You two are going to be on a sugar high for a week,” he lamented.

Spencer laughed and poured sugar into his coffee. Aaron groaned.

“What’s wrong, Daddy?”

“Spencer’s dietary habits.”

Jack looked confused. Aaron tousled his hair. “Don’t worry about it.”

Jack shrugged and started to talk about dinosaurs.

Spencer took a bite of his pancakes, savoring the sweetness. Aaron leaned forward. “You know I’m going to make you have a salad for dinner.”

Spencer just grinned and took another bite.

“Spencer is going to be with us for dinner too?” Jack asked.

Aaron looked at his son. “Yeah, buddy. Spencer’s going to spend the day with us. And tomorrow too, I hope. In fact, I have a feeling that Spencer’s going to be around a lot from now on.”

Jack thought about that for a moment, and then smiled. “Good.” He leaned into his father and whispered, loudly, “I like Spencer. And I think you like him too. You’re less sad when he’s around.”

Aaron blinked back sudden tears and pulled Jack closely into him with a one armed hug. Jack gave a squeak of protest. Aaron reached his other hand across the table and grasped Spencer’s hand.

“I’m glad you’re here, Spencer,” Aaron said quietly.

Spencer squeezed Aaron’s hand and looked into his glistening eyes. “So am I.”

They both smiled.

 


End file.
